King Sheep Productions

It’s my favorite time of year again! Merry Christmas! Merry X-mas never really made sense to me. Merry Crossmas? Wouldn’t that technically be closer to Easter? How do you even say it? Merry Exmas? That would imply an etymology of Latin “ex” meaning “from” or “out of,” and “mas” being a derivative of “mass,” so you’re pretty much saying “Happy getting out of mass!” Therefore, I think Merry X-mas should be a greeting reserved for Catholics found outside the church on Sunday morning.

Anyway, it’s a merry season full of hope and possibilities. If you don’t think so, then you’re letting the Man get you down, and I suggest realigning your perception. See, the Man tries to do one of two things when Christmas rolls around: get you caught up in a consumption-driven frenzy of lights, wrapping paper and rosy cheeks, or make you feel like you don’t have anything if you’re not part of said frenzy. The trick to beating the Man is moderation. I hand-make at least one present a year, and never buy anything I see advertised on TV. I go to the mall on Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving, so named because it’s when many retail stores go into the “black” for the year) and watch the crazy crowds for entertainment. It’s not unlike staring at a bee hive or ant hill or meat grinder. I never turn my nose up at a gift (well, not since I was twelve). People who do that make me crazy. It’s a gift. Seriously, I love White Elephant exchanges because it’s almost a challenge to find a use for your gift. I say, enjoy what you have and don’t lament over what you don’t have. Life be cyclical, yo. You may bathe in sunlight one moment and be dashed on the rocks the next. What matters is what you do afterward.

Now for folks who love the Santa vs. Jesus debate. Anyone who says they hate Santa because he steals Christmas away from who really matters (Christ), needs to be kicked in the shins. If I were President, shin-kicking these folks would be a sanctioned sport from November 15th to December 31st. Why? Hypocrisy. You are not allowed to erect a glowing tree in your home and condemn Santa Claus in the same month. Neither one have anything to do with the birth of Christ, so if you’re going kill Santa then burn your tree too. If you are one of the few people who don’t observe any of the pagan tropes that have come to be associated with Christmas, then I have to wonder what you do for fun. I’m a Hedonist, so I’ll be celebrating with Santa, Jesus, eggnog, presents, and ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful.’ Life is too short to not enjoy as much as you can. There is a line, however. I so solemnly swear, as God himself is my witness, that I never want see someone light candles on a cake and sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus again.

I’m thankful for every one of my friends, and each member of my ever-growing family. I hope that this holiday season involves a stress-to-joy ratio which favors the joy by at least an order of magnitude.

Oh, and there’ll be a nice holiday Coming Distractions up on Friday. Hehe.