King Sheep Productions

Hello all,

This week I’m dedicating our review roundup to Jim and Stacy Haendiges and their new baby boy Eliot. He’s in the process of getting ready to journey to his new home in Pullman and in the meantime, the new parents (and any/everyone else) might want to take some time out of their days and go see a movie. If you do, here is what is waiting for you. First up, the animated adventure Coraline (86%), which is thematically appropriate in that it deals with children and their imaginations.

“Coraline, director Henry Selick’s adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s novel, is essentially a horror movie for kids, but it is also gentle and funny and whimsical, and even in its darkest moments, Selick never forgets who his target audience is.” Rene Rodriguez Miami Herald

Hear that baby Eliot? This one’s for you.

“The imaginative story makes vivid use of 3-D technology, but beware: It’s potentially super-scary for small kids.” Thelma Adams Us Weekly

Or, not so much. Okay, well, since Coraline is an animated feature, I’m sure critics won’t be able to resist comparing it to its peers.

“Sure, there’s no subtext about saving the planet, but for 2009, Pixar’s got to play catch-up.” Amy Nicholson I.E. Weekly

Wow, big words. We’re talking about Wall-E here – arguably one of Pixar’s best. To say Coraline leaves anything Disney in the dust is impressive by itself.

“An animated film that might be too good for children. It arrives in time to expose the atrocious Wall-E.” Armond White New York Press

WTF dude?! Someone get this guy a muzzle. As a small window in the mind of a reviewer I can already see evidence of ageism “kids don’t get good movies?” and horrifying taste “Wall-E was atrocious?” What are his thoughts about other films? Just to get a sense of the man.

Bedtime Stories: “This is an inspired metaphor for the way pop culture ought to work: It is handed-down by one generations, taken-up by the next, understood by all, and becomes a source of amazement and spiritual sustenance. Wall-E be damned!”

This guy have a serious hate-on for animated robots. Plus, looking at his review history he hated Doubt (76% positive), Gran Torino (77%), Milk (93%) and The Wrestler (98%), and liked Bedtime Stories (23% positive) and Transporter 3 (35%). Well, he looks a little grouchy, so let’s movie on to another kids film: The Pink Panther 2.

“Apparently Martin and Zwart really did want to make a movie this aimless and derivative, aware that their target audience of children won’t know what they’re missing.” Katey Rich CinemaBlend.com

Okay, what with the baby haters out there? Either kids don’t deserve good movies or they don’t know what a good movie is. Heck, for all I know the sequel is actually good.

“[It’s] admittedly funnier than the 2006 original. But that movie was so dispiritingly, soul-suckingly bad, there was nowhere left to go but up.” Rene Rodriguez Miami Herald

Yeah, it’s terrible (The Pink Panther 2: 05% positive).

Well, at least the kids got one good movie to consider, the adults are stuck with two stinkers. First, the big-cast rom-com He’s Just Not That Into You (38%).

“He’s Just Not That Into You is smart for what it is, but it refuses to be condescendingly smarter than the people it exists to please. And that makes it even smarter.” Karina Longworth SpoutBlog

Huh?  I’m confused now.  Anyone else want to make me feel stupid?

“A tediously uninvolving ensemble mating-go-round that shuffles together a group of boring Baltimore characters in what’s supposed to be–but isn’t–an effervescent romantic roundelay.” Frank Swietek One Guy’s Opinion

Yeah, I had to check. “roun⋅de⋅lay”–noun 1. a song in which a phrase, line, or the like, is continually repeated. 2. the music for such a song. 3. a dance in a circle; round dance. Okay, someone please make fun of this movie in terms that I can understand.

“The whole resembles a soufflé which simply refuses to rise. Maybe I was just not that into it.” Derek Malcolm This is London

Uh-oh, title backfired on you there.  Nice diss.  Last up is a superhero action movie without superheroes, just superhero powers: Push (25%).

“A harrowing mindbender which successfully blends elements of X-Men, The Matrix and Memento while adding some of its own unique sci-fi flava.” Kam Williams NewsBlaze

Is it cherry vanilla? Or is the unique flava so unique that I couldn’t imagine its taste? Like if it were ‘trust’ flavored or tasted like ‘cuddles’ on the palette? Sorry, I’m tangenting.

“It’s an ambitious attempt to shove the whole of a fairly complex comic book universe into a single messy and garish movie.” Roger Moore Orlando Sentinel

At least I didn’t need to look up garish. So, for this week push aside the bad ones (they’re just not that into entertaining you) and stay away from the pink carnivores. Welcome to the world baby Eliot. You’re in for some laughs.

PDJ