Insidious Super Hop Code
Today is April Fool’s Day, which means you probably won’t uncover an insidious super hop code. There’s a higher likelihood you’ll find pop rocks on your toilet seat or question the plausibility of Gmail Motion. If the technology exists for me to communicate “Barbados” through a hand wave, I hope Google lets the world see their Source Code (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Source Code is what might happen if one cross-bred Groundhog Day with 24 and The Matrix.” James Berardinelli ReelViews
They won’t perfect movie cross-breeding until we see Bill Murray torturing terrorist suspects while performing airborne kicks in super slow motion.
“A movie with an indie spirit and blockbuster sensibilities, Source Code is popcorn entertainment with genuine heft, and proof that the move to Tinseltown doesn’t always mean having to sell your soul to the suits.” Jordan Farley SFX Magazine
At least until Source Code 2.0
“Jones’ brilliant visuals work perfectly with Ripley’s story, the scenes playing out like musical variations of an underlying theme. In the land of the one-trick pony, Jones is a rare exception.” Kimberly Gadette Indie Movies Online
There’s nothing wrong with a one-trick-pony, if the trick never stops impressing
“Here’s a movie where you forgive the preposterous because it takes you to the perplexing.” Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times
So long as the movie avoids being predictable, painful, or patronizing.
“Confounding, exhilarating, challenging–and the best movie I’ve seen so far in 2011.” Richard Roeper Richard Roeper.com
So, if you want a good movie this weekend, point yourself towards the theater and run, skip, or Hop (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Presented with the opportunity to do the first-ever big-budget Easter bunny flick mixing live action and animation, “Hop” gives us . . . a bunny who poops jelly beans.” Kyle Smith New York Post
Before I judge the quality of the movie based on that statement, does the bunny poop Jelly Belly beans?
“Looks suspiciously like a cack Santa flick in which the fat red guy’s been switched with a talking rabbit.” Robbie Collin News of the World
Another Christian holiday has been re-branded as a commercial for candy. I’ll know this trend has gone too far when Good Friday is sponsored by TGI Fridays.
“Skip, jump, run away, whatever! Do anything you have to do to avoid Hop, which treats its plot like a formality and its young viewers like brainwashed twits.” Matt Pais RedEye
To prevent brainwashing, use knowledge as soap or detach your head before the spin cycle.
“It’s like a cartoon root canal for your brain.” Camerin Courtney Christianity Today
Implicit in that metaphor is the idea that your teeth benefit from the root canal in the long run. Is anyone saying that about this movie?
“To put it succinctly: Hop is brain death.” Gary Wolcott Tri-City Herald
Any movie that can kill human brains with Jelly Bean poop is pretty Insidious (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“If Polgergeist is the Disneyland Mansion of spookhouse movies, Insidious is a small-town Haunted Hayride, filled with low-fi jumps and punctuated with giggles.” Brian Juergens CampBlood.org
In terms of audience thrills, which is best: High-fi, Wi-fi, Sci-fi, Del-phi, Low-fi, or No-fi?
“By the time the absurdly deflating finale rolls around, Wan has managed to not only botch his own film, but sully the one cool element of Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace as well.” Nick Schager Lessons of Darkness
How can an ending be so bad that it ruins two movies?
“This is no trifle aimed at undiscerning teenagers on a slow weekend. It is ruthlessly calculated to scare the bejeezus out of you.” Eugene Novikov Film Blather
Ruthlessly calculated to make you drive with a calculator
“Insidious is the kind of movie you could watch with your eyes closed and still feel engrossed by it.” Christy Lemire Associated Press
Sounds good.
“Whatever flaws it may have, Insidious scared the hell out of me.” Eric D. Snider Film.com
Any movie that can purge excess hell from your system is Super (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Why don’t people stand up and be a hero? Kick-Ass’s reason is: because you could get killed. Then the heroes persevere anyway. Super’s answer is: because it’s crazy and irresponsible to be a vigilante.” Fred Topel Screen Junkies
I’m still waiting for the movie that discourages costumed vigilantism because of spandex chaffing.
“Fun and funny, dark and twisted, semi-schizophrenic and certifiably insane.” Scott Weinberg Cinematical
Wow, the movie is nuts. Super?
“Most of the time it isn’t clear whether Gunn is critiquing violence or celebrating it.” Michael O’Sullivan Washington Post
Or both
“A superhero needs a mission. Super needs a point.” Eric D. Snider Film.com
Would it have helped to name the hero Point Man?
“Super is not wanting for good ideas; it’s wanting for direction.” Mark Keizer Boxoffice Magazine
King Sheep suggests consulting a compass
Judging from the movie selection this weekend, summer can’t get here fast enough. And anyone else Google the square root of 677?
If I could poop Jelly Belly jelly beans, I’d never leave the house. As a consequence, I’d never see “Hop” — even accidentally.
Pooping jelly beans. There — now it’s been mentioned 4 times.