Halloween nears and the season’s first scary movie offers an alternative to candy hoarding and haunted houses.  If there really were ghosts and you shared a decaying house with every dead member of your family tree, you might look forward to the one season when your rickety shack is desirably dangerous.   Looking at your neighbors, it would be satisfying to see them follow your aesthetic example and think “It’s about time they had some Paranormal Activity 2 (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).”

“As a portrait of an American family under paranormal siege, this can proudly stand next to Poltergeist.” Josh Larsen LarsenOnFilm

The American portrait was recently repainted for a Japanese version, which means American filmmakers finally created a horror idea the Japanese wanted to copy.

“Why do I feel like this is a near-perfect example of how to learn from a first film when building a second film?” Drew McWeeny HitFix

Why do you argue your claim with a rhetorical question?

“By resisting the urge to up the action to any significant degree, the sequel simultaneously plays it bold and safe, unusual and familiar.” Geoff Berkshire Metromix.com

Likely and impossible, contradictory and redundant.

Hilarious or horrifying?

Same question

“Where is Steven Spielberg when you need him for a clever ending? I had trouble sleeping for three weeks after the original film but I slept perfectly fine after the sequel.” Kevin McCarthy BDK Reviews

Either things aren’t as scary the second time or this film can cure sleep disorders.

“The best sequences are too familiar from the first movie, leaving a disappointing sense of déjà boo.” Liam Lacey Globe and Mail

Either things aren’t as scary the second time or this film can’t cure sequel disorders.  Both sleep and sequel problems can be addressed with a simple process: put your plot/problem clearly front of you, take a step back, and Inhale (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“Soberly and responsibly, a small but significant film called Inhale, starring the underrated, charismatic and terrifically accomplished Dermot Mulroney, has arrived without fanfare or big-budget ad campaigns to capture some well-deserved attention.” New York Observer Rex Reed

That review reads like the critic’s internal monologue.  Is there a way to dress up as a narrator for Halloween or would that be too much like those ironic Halloween costumes?

This is my caption

“You will go away with your heart full and your eyes wide open.” Rex Reed New York Observer

Full hearts and open eyes are considered positives, but in frighteningly realistic terms, they could be heart enlargement and Moebius Syndrome.

“Milks the very real problem of “organ tourism” for all the melodrama and car chases it’s worth.” Lou Lumenick New York Post

The Dukes = milkers of car chase melodrama

“The final act hits like a gut-punch.” Kirk Honeycutt Hollywood Reporter

At least the proper reaction to a cinematic gut punch is explained in the title.

“Walter Doty III and John Clafin’s hackneyed script depicts Mexico as one vast, interconnected conspiracy engaged in the underground organ trade, whose highest-ranked traffickers are — gasp! — Americans.” Ronnie Scheib Variety

Even American criminals are exploiting illegal immigrants?  That sounds like a diplomatic and moral Kalamity (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“For all its seriousness, Kalamity lacks a steady narrative drive.” Stephen Holden New York Times

It also lacks the proper spelling of calamity.

“Kalamity” is the kind of indie suspense thriller that gives indies a bad name.” Cole SmitheyColeSmithey.com

Sometimes, independent means unwanted.

“There isn’t enough plot in this amateurish mope-athon to fill up a half-hour TV show.” Kyle SmithNew York Post

Professional mope-athoner

“The brooding main characters in James M. Hausler’s Kalamity take indulgent suffering to another level.” Ed Gonzalez Slant Magazine

Other levels of indulgent suffering include humane hardships, merciful martyrdom, and tender torture.

“An awkward, unforgivably slack thriller that takes elaborate pains to show how supposedly easy it is to go from heartbreak to homicide.” Eric Hynes Time Out New York

King Sheep takes elaborate pains to avoid both