King Sheep Productions

In most movies, ‘revolution sparks’ involve a cannon being aimed at symbolic tyranny by symbolic patriots. As an observer of revolution ignition, the killer-in-question is probably covered in fresh blood, which means the fire began with Ruby Sparks (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

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“A beguiling romantic fantasy about the creative process and its potential to quite literally take on a life of its own, Ruby Sparks performs an imaginative high-wire act with finesse and charm.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

The story involves an author whose love for a character brings them to life. If such a power existed, other authors should be first in line, beginning with Stan Lee and J.K.Rowling.

“This smart and sophisticated romp takes surprising directions as it examines the creative process of writing, the delicate balance of relationships, and the mysteries of men and women.” Boxoffice Magazine Pete Hammond

The mysteries of men and women can never be solved, which is why there is so much writing about the subject.

“Ruby Sparks doesn’t try to pretend to be more than it is: a sleek, beautifully written and acted romantic comedy that glides down to earth in a gently satisfying soft landing.” The New York Times Stephen Holden

“The theme here is solid…and Kazan plays every rewritten aspect nicely. But I’m sorry, movie; would you mind giving us even a token explanation of why this fictional character came to be?” Luke Y. Thompson Nerdist

Hey movie, don’t be upset because the critic is having issues with suspension of disbelief. While doubting your central premise, he referred to you (the movie) as a person.

“The picture, intelligent but mild, has more of a 10-volt hum than a true spark.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

But Ruby 10-Volt Battery isn’t a very catchy title. It’d be like nicknaming someone “Manslaughter Joe” when his real name is Killer Joe (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“This is not some nostalgia-soaked throwback to the noir of old, but a rude, shit-kicking thriller that co-opts – and merrily defiles – a classic like “Double Indemnity.” Whatever its shortcomings, at least they’re never failures of nerve.” The A.V. Club Scott Tobias

In hit-man movies, creators shouldn’t be afraid to pull the trigger.

“Friedkin’s unflinching trailer-park noir features ugly characters, game performances, degradation and the obscene abuse of a chicken drumstick. Highly recommended, then.” Total Film Matt Mueller

“A gruesome, greasy bucket-load of uninhibited tastelessness. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.” Tom Clift Moviedex

How do you say it in a mean way?

“When this sick, ludicrous cocktail of sex, violence and mayhem was first unveiled a year ago at the Toronto International Film Festival, one wag aptly described it as ‘the ghost of Tennessee Williams meets the spirit of Quentin Tarantino.’ ”New York Observer Rex Reed

Fusing those two writers will either create Tennessee Tarantino or lead to a Step Up: Revolution (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Step Up Revolution is a bad movie with a few good moments, usually when the cast sets aside delusions of acting prowess and does what comes naturally to them, which is to look pretty and perform smartly choreographed seizures.” Steve Persall Tampa Bay Times

Purists describe dance as “the hidden language of the soul,” but only haters would call it “smartly choreographed seizures.” Next up, calling presidential speeches highly-polished verbal diarrhea.

“Some of the highly-choreographed dance scenes are enjoyable, though the hang around way too long. But whenever the music stops and the characters try to talk to each other, it’s pure death. [sic]” Christopher Lloyd Sarasota Herald-Tribune

Could people survive partially-diluted death?

“She’s a rich daddy’s girl! He’s from the wrong side of the tracks! They bridge their socio-economic gap through the power of dance! Rinse, repeat.” Barbara VanDenburgh Arizona Republic

“‘Step Up: Revolution’ is the fourth of the “Step Up” movies, a series of unconnected stories that serve as showcases for the kinds of young stars who sincerely hope they’ll soon be in better movies.” Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times

If you’d rather see big stars in a terrible movie, watch The Watch (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“It’s so determined to be crude, vulgar and offensive that after a while I grew weary. Abbott and Costello used to knock out funnier movies on this exact intellectual plane without using a single F, S, C, P or A word.” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

You either spent a minute playing fill-in-the-curse or  you didn’t bother. For the latter crowd, here’s the PG version:
F-Fudge
S-Shucks
C-Rhymes with blunt
P-Cat
A-Donkey

“It’s one of those smoke bomb comedies that seems to disappear even while you’re watching, leaving no trace of itself behind.” Michelle Orange Movieline

“A disease-carrying mosquito of film comedy.” James Verniere Boston Herald

If the first four words are true, I resent the final two. Something that sucks your blood, gives you the plague, and leaves you with a hickey should not cost you $10.

“The principle behind the humor in “The Watch” seems to be: When in doubt, mention testicles.” Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) St. Paul Pioneer Press