King Sheep Productions

Remember The DiVinci Code?  That book/movie/phenomena that entertained a lot of people, but ultimately amounted to nothing but fuel for low-tier conspiracy theorists?  Well, now you get more of the same from Tom Hanks & Ron Howard in Angels & Demons (RT 49% & M 52%). It’s a coin flip for quality, so lets not worry about successes & failures and give you insight into what it’s like to sit through the movie.

“Imagine going to a library to research arcane religious history while listening to a medieval church choir too loudly on your iPod…” Josh Larsen LarsenOnFilm

Okay, but couldn’t the same effect be reached by making a New Age Pandora set list & browsing Wikipedia?

“At its best, Angels & Demons is backpacker porn, taking in a whole lot of Ron Howard’s digitally rendered Rome–the streets, basilicas and museums–without the long line-ups tourists usually face and having the benefit of a pulse-racing conspiracy and pop.” Radheyan Simonpillai Fresh and Frowsy

Great historical sites, no lines, plus free conspiracies? Save yourself a few thousand dollars in travel expenses and enjoy some backpacker porn.

“Despite its lofty aspirations, Angels & Demons is no less artificial and forced than the latest Fast & Furious sequel. Different target audience, same motive: easy money.” Rick Mele AskMen.com

Hey, my money isn’t easy!  It just has low standards.

“A shapely, stylish, white-knuckle horror-thriller that hits its marks with blood and thunder. It stinks to heaven, too, but it isn’t lame. The streets of Rome haven’t run this red since the Inquisition.” New York Magazine David Edelstein

Those points make as much sense out of context as they do in context.  Hit a mark with blood & thunder while trying to avoid stepping in blood or smelling the un-lame stink of white-knuckle shaped horrific thrills.  I confused.

“Ron Howard’s funniest film since Splash!” Sean Burns Philadelphia Weekly

I confused more.  So, it’s a horror-thriller unintentional comedy?

“Dan Brown knows what ingredients to use for a recipe that goes down as easily as a devilish ice cream drenched in glistening, dark chocolate.” Andrew L. Urban Urban Cinefile

And we’re back to food comparisons.  It’s always someone who comes across as hungry.  Are newspapers not paying these people enough to afford food?  Oops.  And on that sadish note, let’s switch to something a little crazyish: Big Man Japan (RT 92%; M 60%).

Since very few readers have heard of this little gem, what’s the low-down-dirty?

“…we follow middle-aged bachelor Dai around Tokyo while he feeds his cat, rides the subway, and periodically transforms into a 50-foot tall tattooed wrestler who battles giant monsters.” Luke Y. Thompson OC Weekly

It sounds too weird to be missed.

“I hurt myself laughing at this amazingly inventive mockumentary, and because it’s so good, I refuse to give away much more than an insistent recommendation.” Aaron Hillis Village Voice

I’ll follow that good advice.  Enjoy your weekend.