A perfect hotel loop isn’t much of a perk compared to in-room cable and mini-bars. Even if it offered all three, few tourists would book rooms at the Hotel Transylvania (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“Hotel Transylvania is occasionally the kind of fast-moving, gag-a-second film that relies on quantity of humor rather than quality.” The A.V. Club Tasha Robinson

If you believe quantity trumps quality, then take your next date to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

“As for Hotel Transylvania, no need to put a stake in it, it’s deadly dull already.”  Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

Staking the hotel? Even if turning inanimate objects into vampires were possible, a hotel would be a terrible choice because kitchens have garlic, dining rooms have silver, and hotels can’t escape the sun.

“At its core, this movie is little more than Twilight told from the other side of the tracks, only with far more fart jokes.” Ian Buckwalter NPR

Twi-hard to hold it

“A family movie that includes almost entirely lewd jokes for adults.” Mary F. Pols TIME Magazine

Well, you can’t have families without a little lewd behavior.

“Once again proves that animated films need to cut it with the musical numbers. I mean, who doesn’t love rapping Dracula?” Matt Pais RedEye

Rapping Van Helsing? Although neither are expected to be Pitch Perfect (Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic).

“This slight but sunny entertainment is something of an idiot-grin-maker.” Kimberley Jones Austin Chronicle

Does it give people idiot grins or does it only work on idiots?

“Damned good genre entertainment. I laughed my pianissimo off.” William Bibbiani CraveOnline

Um. You might want to see a doctor.

“It’s done with freshness and style, a very funny script and a lot of energy, and turns out to be one of the nicest surprises so far this fall.” Rob Thomas Capital Times

Not-so-nice surprise

“It’s music, it’s comedy, it’s fun.” Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) St. Paul Pioneer Press

It’s a bad sign when contractions dictate clarity, unless you prefer: It is music, it is comedy, it is fun. As a test, do you prefer it’s or it is Looper (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“The very definition of thinking man’s science fiction, it isn’t just good guys vs. bad guys, it’s also good guy vs. good guy, both of whom happen to be the same good guy. Confused yet? You will be.” Stephen Carty Flix Capacitor

Whether you are or are not confused, you will be. Ergo, confusion is inevitable, unless you accept this premise, in which case, you’re no longer confused.

“I knew this was my kind of sci-fi movie when Bruce Willis yells at Joseph Gordon Levitt, insisting that they stop talking about how time travel works and just get down to the business at hand.” Joanna Langfield The Movie Minute

In other words, quit worrying about how the idea is possible and enjoy what the idea makes possible.

“Lacing tremendously exciting action with touching gravity, Looper hits you like a shot in the heart.” Peter Travers Rolling Stone

A shot of gravity

“Looper isn’t perfect, but it pulls off the full Wizard Of Oz: it has a brain, courage and a heart.” Kim Newman Empire Magazine

And a little dog too?

“All of Looper’s ideas, elements and actions loop back on themselves to create a thrilling, fascinating and fiercely imaginative head-scratcher that’s undoubtedly the best sci-fi of 2012.” Ali Gray TheShiznit.co.uk

King Sheep undoubtedly likes to doubt