There isn’t anything strange about pirating at midnight, however the French may do it differently.  Perhaps they like brie and Chardonnay before firing their canons.  It makes you wonder about other regional pirate traditions.  Do Mexican pirates enjoy salsa before swashbuckling?  Would African pirates lead their battle charge with a vuvuzela?  And what about the Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic)?

“I never thought I’d miss the overstuffed craziness of Verbinski’s originals – the squiddly extras, the moments of sheer pop surrealism, the Kraken – but “On Stranger Tides” is like a familiar house where half the furniture has been sold off.” Ty Burr Boston Globe

Perhaps it was a mistake to RELEASE THE KRAKEN…from its contract.

“Yo ho ho and a bottle of sleeping tablets.” Robbie Collin News of the World

I hope no one has 99 bottles on their wall.

“Marshall deserves props for putting the “show” back into the Pirates business. But face it, he’s polishing a giant turd.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

What else can you do if you decide not to flush them?

“If this standard is maintained, I can’t wait to walk the plank for a fifth time.” Roz Laws Birmingham Post

The film is stuck between a reboot and a sequel, which should put maintaining standards and reinvention on equal footing.  However, if you believe in the predictive quality of numeric aggregates:

The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003): $305 million and RT/M: 78%/63%
Dead Man’s Chest (2006) $423 million and RT/M: 54%/53%
At World’s End (2007) $309 million RT/M: 45%/50%
On Stranger Tides (2011) ? million RT/M: 34%/47%

“If there’s a retirement home for pirates, Jack Sparrow might want to go on a quest to find it.” Matt Bochenski Little White Lies

And when Jack gets bored of tormenting nurses at the Tattered Sails Retirement Villa and goes on a quest for more rum, he’ll end up stumbling around at Midnight in Paris (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“Woody Allen’s time-travelling comedy Midnight In Paris is a valentine to Paris and an absolute delight.” Boxoffice Magazine Pete Hammond

A valentine to Paris with roses, candlelight, and sunset walks. Can there be so much romance that a person will OD (over delight)?

“It is marvelously romantic, even though – or precisely because – it acknowledges the disappointment that shadows every genuine expression of romanticism.” A.O. Scott New York Times

Love and hate are romantic bedfellows

“A comedy for smart people. Allen’s humor prizes cultural literacy, a rarity in these times. It’s magical, in all the right ways.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

Uh oh, labeling something ‘for smart people’ makes a lot of (smart and dumb) people crazy. Observe:

“The groupie-like celebration of Allen’s doubled-up cultural insecurity and ambition represents a global degradation of culture standards.” Armond White New York Press

Armond is a smart man, but his criticisms are often dumb.

“For my money, the best Allen movie in 10 years, or maybe even close to 20…” Stephanie Zacharek Movieline

King Sheep has T-minus 20 days left in Pullman