Since most rites are sacred, it’s hard to imagine a profession that commodifies them, even if it’s with the intention of fixing broken ones. Would you trust someone who claims to be a sermon salesman or relic recycler?  While this might explain what they sell at Rite Aid, chances are I’m more in the wrong than The Rite (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“The Rite is an exorcism flick “inspired by true events,” which in this case means once upon a time there was a priest.” Steve Persall St. Petersburg Times

When it comes to movie motives, there are classy connections like “based on the amazing true story” or “based on the Pulitzer prize winning novel,” but with “inspired by” the only certainty is the creators crave validity.

“A horror film that goes nowhere very, very slowly.” Tom Horgen Minneapolis Star Tribune

It may not know where it’s going, but at least it’s making terrible time.

“Sir Anthony here doesn’t just chew the scenery; he grinds it into dust.” Nell Minow Beliefnet

Is it higher praise to gorge on the scenery?

“Yes, there is a hell, and this movie is showing at its local multiplex.” St. Petersburg Times Steve Persall

I suppose that makes its showings on earth a special engagement.

“Apparently, Satan is a huge fan of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.” Bill Gibron

Perhaps cannibalism is getting cooler

“The bottom line is, whether you worship God, Satan, Xenu or Ron Paul, The Rite gets it wrong.” New York Observer Una LaMarche

To get it right, those four could fight it out in a spiritual battle royale.  Faith would be tested, damage would be done, and we’ll leave the clean up to The Mechanic (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“The auteur who gave us Con Air… is back, extending his cinema terrible of violent, unthinking nihilism and brutal, pointless action. Oh, and misogyny for fun. Hoorah!“ MaryAnn Johanson Flick Filosopher

It’s a good thing sarcasm works so well in print form.

“To the extent that it’s original, The Mechanic is insane, bordering on gloriously insane.” San Francisco Chronicle Mick LaSalle

Gloriously sane – sane – normal – insane – the Mechanic – gloriously insane

“It’d be nice if Jason Statham and Ben Foster, The Mechanic’s mentor/protege duo, could crack a smile. Once.” Philadelphia Inquirer Steven Rea

Do you prefer the smiling Statham?

Or the Statham that makes you smile?

“To paraphrase Roger Murtaugh, 43-year-old Jason Statham might be getting too old for this bone-crunching, head-smashing, action-thriller nonsense.” Sean O’Connell

To paraphrase Sean, paraphrasing Murtaugh, ‘Statham’s shtick is shit.”

“The first legitimate action film of 2011.” Scott Bowles USA Today

King Sheep wonders if that means The Green Hornet was an illegitimate bastard