I always thought the super power of flight should come with goggles.
Comments Off on Day 2: Skygirl
Ever since I read James Gurney’s book Color and Light, I’ve been itching to do more color work. Here’s one of the next pieces I’ll be working on.
Cheers!
Comments Off on Day 1: Broken Circle
Indy has faced some perilous adventures (e.g. Nazis, God magic, impromptu heart removal), but if asked to confront the icy barbs of an angry newlywed, our fedora-wearing hero might run away and join The Raiders Of The Lost Ark (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“You’d have to be a heathen to argue with the fact that Raiders of the Lost Ark stands as the best action-adventure movie ever made.” Christopher Null Filmcritic.com
Since crappy movies don’t get rereleased in IMAX to correspond with their Blu-Ray releases, let’s concede the floor to the heathens.
“My big complaint: Take Indiana Jones out of the story, and nothing changes. The Nazis still find the Ark, still open it, still die.” Jeffrey Westhoff Northwest Herald (Crystal Lake, IL)
When Burke said “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing,” he didn’t realize that Indy can beat evil by doing nothing.
“The thrills are fully consumed while you’re seeing this movie, and it’s totally over when it’s over. It’s a workout. You feel as if you’d been to the desert digs: at the end your mind is blank, yet you’re parched, you’re puffing hard — you want relief.” Pauline Kael New Yorker
Geeks would be in better shape if watching Indy counted as exercise
“It is the classic film [by] Lucas, Spielberg…back before they were replaced by automatons put here by aliens.” Widgett Walls Needcoffee.com
If Spielberg and Lucas are actually alien robots, their evitable biopic will be awesome.
“Travels fast and straight down a linear plot, and the ceaseless rush quickly becomes monotonous.” Chicago Reader Dave Kehr
Which do you prefer, the monotony of Indy or The Cold Light Of Day (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic)?
”Brought to you by the Madrid Film Tax Credit Production Office and the Society for the Promotion of Henry Cavill as the Next Big Thing!” MaryAnn Johanson Flick Filosopher
Cavill is the new Superman. Willis is John McClane and Weaver is Ripley. With so many icons crowding the screen it’s a wonder nothing happens.
“A pedestrian spy thriller that casts itself in the mould of The Bourne Identity but falls pitifully short on every count.” Liverpool Echo
Cavill is The Bourne Replica.
“’I’m getting sick of this!’ says Sigourney during one of Cold Light’s many shoot-outs. Those tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt will swiftly reach the same conclusion.” Total Film Neil Smith
Benefit of the snout
“If there’s anything positive to glean from Cold Light, it would have to be its use as an educational tool, teaching young film students how not to make a mid-budget action movie.” Brian Orndorf Blu-ray.com
It fails to entertain, but succeeds in teaching others how to entertain.
“The one thing that’s consistently fun to watch here is Weaver, whose prominent if surely rent-inspired role as a ruthless Terminator in pantsuits generates plenty of accidentally funny stuff.” Tim Robey Daily Telegraph
A pantsuit Terminator sounds like a bodyguard for a Bachelorette (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Headland works hard to reconcile the wild and the tame; if she never quite gets the balance right, ya gotta admire her bold juxtaposition of overdose-resuscitation gags with lessons on self-loathing and bulimia.” Amy Biancolli San Francisco Chronicle
Ya gotta be bold to juxtapose bulimia and overdose resuscitation.
“The characters in Bachelorette are most human when they’re behaving badly. They break the spell when they turn into women we can merely relate to.“ NPR Stephanie Zacharek
Translation: The fiction is more real when it’s fake.
“Bachelorette would be better off as a soulless farce, not the noxious semi-melodrama it eventually becomes. It’s a movie that doesn’t know whether to hug its characters or push them off a bridge.” Brian Orndorf Blu-ray.com
Experimenting with both
“Bitchy histrionics curdle faster than a spoiled soy latte in this distinctly unlikable comedy about a trio of coked-up gal pals who barely muster the strength to celebrate their happier friend’s wedding.” Time Out New York Joshua Rothkopf
If they can’t muster the joy to celebrate their friend’s happiness, perhaps they can still fake The Words (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Riveting, illuminating, and communicative…for about 45 minutes.” Brian Orndorf Blu-ray.com
Would the audience be better off if the rest was previews?
“It would have been more fun if I’d brought something to throw at the screen.” Dana Stevens Slate
You can always throw what the title suggests.
“The Words is a movie for people who buy their novels at Starbucks, made by people who write their novels at Starbucks.” Ray Greene Boxoffice Magazine
For people who loathe Starbucks
“Sometimes, less is more. “The Words” is one of those times.” Dustin Putman DustinPutman.com
Sometimes more is more and less is less. This movie needs both, more or less.
“Positively reeks of mediocrity…. Go read a good book instead.” Frank Swietek One Guy’s Opinion
King Sheep wonders if book reviews ever encourage readers to ‘go watch a good movie instead’
This roundup title serves as a fine prescription for your Labor Day weekend, assuming you know any tall possessed doctors and you have an instinct to be Lawless (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Much of the action may be nearly as grim as in director John Hillcoat’s previous feature, “The Road” – “Lawless” is very bloody – but the scenery and production design are a whole lot nicer.” Mark Feeney Boston Globe
Yay! It’s prettier than the apocalypse!
“Lawless uses it’s extreme bloody violence as a character to propel this riveting and emotional story forward. Hardy and Pearce deliver incredibly engaging performances!” Kevin McCarthy NerdTears.com
Proclamations are better with exclamation points!
“Kind of like Lawless, a movie about bootleggers more violently authentic than previous takes on the subject, from “Thunder Road” to the first half of “The Last American Hero.” What Lawless has over those moonshine melodramas is a striking sense of period and setting.” Tampa Bay Times Steve Persall
Moonshine trauma
“A story of entrepreneurship, of family, of fighting for one’s rights – the right to make white lightning, and money. It’s as American as apple pie.” Philadelphia Inquirer Steven Rea
Prohibition: America makes a great mistake then becomes the hero correcting it.
“Lawless is a beautiful film that’s violent as hell, striking in a way only unfiltered Americana could be.” Matt Patches Hollywood.com
And if you prefer non-violent filtered Americana, consider joining The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“If today’s youngsters grow up thinking of Christopher Lloyd as the old guy with the bongos from The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, at least they’ll be thinking of Christopher Lloyd at all.” Village Voice Sherilyn Connelly
Today’s dark cloud with an anorexically thin silver lining: It’s better to remember Lloyd as the bongo guy than never knowing Reverend Jim or Doc Brown.
“For the sake of the children, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure should be allowed to quietly float away.” Los Angeles Times Mark Olsen
If they refuse to go quietly
“I kept hearing someone mutter, ‘The horror…The horror,’ as the nearly 90 minutes dragged on for what seemed like an eternity, and then realized those words were coming from me.” Jim Judy Screen It!
Someone went crazy. Someone was me.
“Hallie’s dad said it was Rocky Horror for toddlers whatever that is. Me and Hallie are 7 and we thought it was for babies.” The New York Times A.O. Scott
When it comes to baby entertainment, Elmo should be on speed dial next to a label that reads For A Good Time Call… (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Lauren and Katie aren’t defined by their attitudes toward men; they’re defined by being fu–ing funny and awesome.” Village Voice Chris Packham
Half-assed censorship efforts are –cking stupid.
“In a rare instance of truth in advertising, the movie actually is a good time.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers
1-800-get-some
“The jokes should write themselves; in this case, they don’t. This material may be obvious but it can still be funny. But it’s not. End of story.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine
People who don’t write humor say jokes write themselves. They don’t. End of sentence.
“It’s Ari Graynor’s movie – she’s like Kate Hudson possessed by the spirit of Bette Midler. And all the better off for it.” Owen Gleiberman Entertainment Weekly
Since Bette Midler isn’t dead, she can’t target other celebrities for The Possession (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“A ho-hum exorcism chiller that tries to spice up a formulaic screenplay by converting a predominantly Catholic-fixated horror subgenre to Judaism.” Variety Geoff Berkshire
Exorcisms. They’re not just for Christians anymore.
“The Possession offers a steady stream of chuckles and a few big laughs. Unfortunately, it isn’t a comedy …” Nathan Rabin AV Club
Unless it’s trying to kick-start a new genre: The Scaromedy.
“Predictable, derivative, incoherent, dunderheaded and criminally unscary, this is proof the time has come to exorcise possession movies.” Rob Daniel Sky Movies
After we meta-exorcise possession movies, let’s bludgeon fighting movies, hook-up with chick flicks, and kill the parents of superhero movies.
“Bornedal’s fondness for punctuating abrupt cuts to black with a solitary piano-key note is so pathological that it soon turns risible.” Village Voice Nick Schager
A director with a pathological instinct to repeat one horror trope ad infinitum should be referred to The Good Doctor (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“The film is anchored and greatly bolstered by Bloom, who delivers a performance of quietly escalating madness.” Nick Schager Village Voice
If people quietly escalate into madness can they also loudly descend into reason?
“Had Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley accidentally weaseled his way onto the set of E.R., it might have played out something like Lance Daly’s medical-drama-cum-upward-mobility-thriller about a hospital’s new resident (and resident sociopath).” Time Out New York David Fear
A.K.A. The Talented Mr. Legolas
“Ultimately, even after momentarily falling apart in a fit of paranoia, Martin remains a cipher in a movie that never fulfills its potential as melodrama. If The Good Doctor isn’t a bad movie, it tells only half the story.” Stephen Holden The New York TImes
Half a joke?
“Don’t allow this doctor to treat you.” Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Spirituality and Practice
You might be better off seeking medical advice from The Tall Man (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“In easily her best performance – and sadly, one few will see, given the film’s modest release strategy – Jessica Biel stars as a single mother in Cold Rock, Washington.” The A.V. Club Scott Tobias
Characters are rarely described via location, though it still works (e.g. Bruce Willis plays a cop in a tall building, airport, and taxi cab).
“Child abductions plague a rural Washington State town, but the more pressing affliction in Pascal Laugier’s film is the absence of chills, logic and coherence.” Nick Schager Boxoffice Magazine
Are the missing chills and coherence part of the mystery?
“I like to imagine the pitch meeting for “The Tall Man” as something like this: ‘It will be like ‘Twin Peaks,’ only absolutely terrible on every level.’” Jordan Hoffman Film.com
Pitches that wild should advance a runner.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and in a few months it will also be paved with unwatched DVD copies of The Tall Man.” DrewTaylorThe Playlist
King Sheep is glad the road to hell is paved
Given the promise of this week’s title, you should consider lowering your expectations. One will rock, the other will Hit & Run (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Real-life couple has chemistry in raunchy car-chase flick.” Sandie Angulo Chen Common Sense Media
Breaking News: Critic embraces headline syntax.
“It probably was fun to drive all these hot cars around California, and make a movie with your friends and sacrifice plot logic for better jokes. But where’s the fun for the audience in all that?” Katey Rich CinemaBlend.com
Watching it? No, wait. Mocking it?
“It’s like a car doing doughnuts, driving in circles while going nowhere fast.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine
Going nowhere fast, but making great grime
“Above all, real-life couple Shepard and Bell bring genuine chemistry to this high-energy excursion.” Peter Debruge Variety
The Hollywood lovebirds had to put their energy somewhere, since they decided not to marry until gay marriage is legal.
“A strange, but strangely entertaining combo of drag racing machismo, slapstick silliness, raunchy riffs, politically incorrect rants and sweet nothings.” Betsy Sharkey Los Angeles Times
That list missed many elusive alliterations.
“A comedy that feels as if it were dreamed up in the wee hours between bong hits and shots of tequila.” Stephen Holden New York Times
I assumed Hit & Run referred to car crashes and getaways, not bong hits and beer runs. Although, depending on your tastes, both options could be a Premium Rush (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Working in tandem they (Gordon-Levitt/Shannon) make Premium Rush a movie that’s off the chain, as the kids say.” Tampa Bay Times Steve Persall
It’s also gnarly, groovy, and grand, as the geriatric say.
“[It] actually doesn’t sound like it would work at all as a tightly wound slice of street action, but it does, and in radically fresh ways.” Betsy Sharkey Los Angeles Times
Is radically fresh better than awesomely fresh?
“So appealing is Gordon-Levitt that, for great stretches of his new movie, I suspended my disapproval of his character and just went with the nonstop flow. He almost persuaded me that the film is, if not a premium rush, then an economy high.” Time Richard Corliss
At least it wasn’t a bargain-basement buzz.
“‘Premium Rush’ is great fun – nimble, quick, the thinking person’s mindless entertainment.” Michael Phillips Chicago Tribune
Yes, have some
“Suitable to the medium of film (and last days of summer), this unabashedly simplistic but ultra-dynamic and kinetic flick, set on bikes in the mean streets of Manhattan, offers pleasure; the late Tony Scott would have loved to make it.” Emanuel Levy EmanuelLevy.Com
During the Days of Thunder, Domino, The Last Boy Scout was an Unstoppable Enemy of the State, intent on The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 and getting Revenge on a Beverly Hills Cop II. Even though his Top Gun Spy Game was Déjà vu, The Hunger made him a Man on Fire, threatening couples in True Romance with Crimson Tide. If you fondly remember these films, then Tony Scott’s true legacy exists in the memories of The Fan.
“I’m very weary of routine chase movies. There’s nothing routine about ‘Premium Rush.'” Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times
King Sheep is routinely weary of routine
Comments Off on Premium Hit