Norman & Timothy By Side Of Expendable Robot Cosmopolis

by on August 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

Please note the ridiculous roundup title crafted from this week’s releases. Often, an abundance of personal names or a dearth of verbs results in titles closer to nonsense than sense, especially when movies feature undefined words like Cosmopolis (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Don’t panic, but Robert Pattinson may have been neutered.” David Ehrlich Boxoffice Magazine

Don’t Panic? Informing Twi-Hards that their beloved R-Patz is sans sack, requires a flashing bold-faced WARNING, not a half-ass heads-up then comma. You might as well have said “Belated spoiler alert.”

“Cosmopolis uses Packer (Pattinson) to trivialise money, dismisses the struggling poor and reveals those in the throes of money for the sociopaths that they are.” Blake Howard 2UE That Movie Show

A.K.A. Hating Rich People: The Movie

“Don’t listen to the haters — this linguistically complex and eloquently dark film is much more clever than pretentious.” Grant McAvaney MovieFIX

Hater quiz: clever or pretentious?

“Cosmopolis is almost certainly some kind of masterpiece, but I have to admit it’s probably not for everyone.” Glenn Kenny MSN Movies

Translation: It’s not a masterpiece you’ll like.

“Another Cronenberg film badly in need of an exploding head.” Jim Schembri 3AW

Sadly, the weekly quota of exploding heads was met by The Expendables 2 (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Has the parallel between the actor and the mercenary’s trade ever been so overt?” Nick Pinkerton Village Voice

Technically, all professions employ mercenaries.

“Redundant, bombastic and cheekily self-aware, The Expendables 2 is also savvy enough to supply its own auto-critique.” Justin Chang Variety

But auto-critique makes critics expendable.

“At its best, The Expendables 2 thrives on the camaraderie that exists between the various action icons, while dropping in cheesy gags that reference their back catalogue.” Rob Carnevale The List

Go on, use it

“It may be all brawn and no brain, but there’s plenty to enjoy on a non-cerebral level here.” Ben Rawson-Jones Digital Spy

What body part will enjoy the movie more than my brain?

“It plays out like a series wet-dream scenarios, performed by a cast of vintage action figures battered and broken from overuse, bleached and slightly molted from sitting in the sun too long.” John Semley Slant Magazine

Rather than letting that review answer the question that proceeded it, let’s discuss how time in the sun affected The Odd Life Of Timothy Green (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“[It] feels like a retreat – into manufactured drama shellacked with sticky sentimentality, into risk-free storytelling full of coldly contrived conflict.” Stephen Whitty Newark Star-Ledger

Shellacked with sticky sentimentality. Coldly contrived conflict. Why is “alliteration” hard to alliterate with?

“A stupendous cast is completely wasted in underwritten roles as various family members and employers in the town’s sole enterprise: pencil production.” Marjorie Baumgarten Austin Chronicle

Presidential pencil production

“It’s the sort of thing you’ll either find enchanting or an excellent reason to reach for the Scotch.” Ty Burr Boston Globe

A family movie that drives you to drink? Check please.

“Kids are too smart to fall for it, and any grown-up who thinks that The Odd Life of Timothy Green is funny or heartwarming has a head made out of cabbage.” St. Louis Post-Dispatch Joe Williams

‘Parents will hate it or they’re vegetables’ sounds crazy unless the comparisons weren’t meant to be seen Side By Side (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“After seeing “Side By Side,” you may never watch a movie quite the same way again.” Laura Clifford Reeling Reviews

Am I going to watch them backwards? Upside down? Out of the side of my head? What?

“Mandatory viewing for anyone who loves movies and has any interest in learning more about how they’re made and how that’s been changing in the last few years.” Edward Douglas ComingSoon.net

The school year hasn’t started yet, so it’s a wee bit early to assign homework.

“…something I’d be happy to get into a jovial shouting match about over pints, but [not] for the length of a feature film.” Jordan Hoffman Badass Digest

If the shouting escalates

“Propelled forward by a determination on Kenneally’s part to keep things fluid and fascinating rather than argumentative and academic, Side by Side is top-tier festival fodder and a must-own DVD item for any film buff.” Simon Foster Screen-Space

In this world of disposable digital entertainment (Hulu, Netflix, streaming media), is anything a must-own?

“Tracing the rise of digital movies via a wealth of charts, clips and candid testimonies, this Keanu Reeves-produced and narrated investigation offers a thorough analysis of what’s very likely the most important cinematic development since the advent of sound.” The Hollywood Reporter Jordan Mintzer

What sound was to movies, robots will be to domestic assistance. At least, that’s an idea raised by Robot & Frank (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Robot & Frank reminds quirk-hardened veterans that an odd premise and big heart don’t have to add up to too-precious awards bait.” TheHollywoodReporter John DeFore

Does using movies as bait mean Hollywood treats critics like fish?

“Robot and Frank succeeds where “Ted” fails because, unlike McFarlane, Schreier and Ford render the relationship between the human character and the robot in largely credible terms.” indieWIRE Eric Kohn

A more credible teddy?

“What I’m saying is that I resisted the film but it won me over, a little more than I care to admit.” Time Richard Corliss

It’s high praise when a critic says “I tried to hate it, but…”

“Christopher D. Ford’s film is nothing more than a Lifetime movie dolled up in cheap Philip K. Dick drag.” Slant Magazine Chris Cabin

Does that mean it’s a compliment to be dressed in expensive Philip K. Dick drag?

“You don’t realize how well it works until it’s over.” Andrew O’Hehir Salon.com

Talking robots are almost supernatural, which is the realm of ParaNorman (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The spirit of great stop-motion animators like George Pal and Ray Harryhausen lives on in ParaNorman, and not just as a ghost: It’s so real you could almost reach out and touch it.” Stephanie Zacharek NPR

That effect is called 3-D and tickets cost 4 bucks extra.

“It’s creepy, it’s funny and in spite of its weirdness it resonates with those of us doomed to live our own lives in the real world.” Daniel M. Kimmel Sci-Fi Movie Page

Doomed? We live in a world where nearly every piece of information is a click away and people carry computers in their pockets. We’ve photographed distant parts of space and landed enough shit on Mars to fill a hillbilly’s yard. Every classic movie, TV show, and book exists in the real world. If being doomed includes these perks – don’t panic.

“Laika’s stop-motion animation is every bit as inspired here as it was in their rightfully lauded “Coraline,” and the storyline never wavers from its boneyard-deep message: Being different from others is a good – nay, great – thing, no matter how many villagers (or zombies) are after you.” Marc Savlov Austin Chronicle

Cardio is good – nay, great

“What was the last animated movie you could relate to German expressionist cinema, Alfred Hitchcock, Night of the Living Dead and B-movie horror of the 1950s? That’s right — none.” Lawrence Toppman Charlotte Observer

Ask a convoluted question, get a dickish answer.

“ParaNorman is a micro-sized masterpiece that wears its heart (and its half-eaten brains) on its sleeve.” The Playlist Drew Taylor

King Sheep wears his heart in his rib cage

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Meet The New York Hope Circus Campaign Legacy

by on August 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

A Hope Circus is a big tent filled with free hugs and reassurances amidst clown jugglers. Unfortunately, some rich candidate took advantage of the not-creepy touching and not-scary clowns for political gain and now it’s a New York legacy. If I am asked to meet this legacy I will say “no, I would rather Meet The Fokkens (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).”

“A racy, thoroughly enjoyable docu about a pair of 69-year-old identical-twin hookers in Amsterdam, Meet the Fokkens bounces along with defiant joie de vivre.” Ronnie Scheib Variety

Are you sure it’s not joie de something else?

“If there’s a tug of sadness to this (off-)colorful tale, it has less to do with sympathy for these resilient women than with how easily their compromised lives can be related to our own.” Eric Hynes Time Out New York

It’s the oldest profession, but it’s still somebody’s career, and every job blows sometimes.

“To what degree the seductive senior siblings for sale are leveling with audiences is up for grabs, but certain truths vividly come into play. Namely, their refusal to act old, along with challenging the cultural norms of what it means to be beautiful.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

Whoever coined the term “Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder” never saw one

“The sisters’ struggle for autonomy (they opened Amsterdam’s only independent brothel until they were forced out by organized crime) reveals a touching commitment to mutual survival.” Jeannette Catsoulis NPR

The mob functions as the police of organized crime, which is doubly unfair because prostitutes are harassed by the real police too.

“The film is about two old ladies, still cackling despite the sadness that trailed in the wake of the lives into which they were forced.” Chris Packham Village Voice

When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade or give life a swift kick in the balls. The former is a cliché and the latter sounds like a stunt from Nitro Circus: The Movie (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“While the Nitro Circus’s many achievements are impressive, they pale in comparison to those of Knoxville and company’s.” Slant Magazine Nick Schager

So they’re copycats? What a bunch of hack-asses.

“The personalities on screen have such limited shticks, such one-dimensional ideas, that they’re no fun to hang out with.” Rafer Guzman Newsday

The joy of Jackass was sharing the laughter and the pain. However, you’d think watching assholes hurt themselves would have some value.

“Nitro Circus is an overcooked sham, too broad to take seriously, while treating genuine injury as an opportunity to point and laugh.” Brian Orndorf Blu-ray.com

“Ha! He looks dead!”

“Even if you appreciate the sight of grown men acting like idiots, the film’s repetitive pacing and self-congratulatory air start to feel exhausting.” New York Daily News Elizabeth Weitzman

Exhausting self-congratulatory idiots sounds like something you’d see during The Campaign (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The Campaign attempts to simultaneously appeal to fans of both the highbrow and the low. In effect, running its own contest between the slapstick versus the sly. And wins … half the time.”  Kimberly Gadette Doddle

Half winning is a tie. Recount!

“This is one of those campaigns when you wish the ballot had an option for ‘none of the above.’” Nell Minow Beliefnet

Would our political system be improved by offering an “all of the above” option, where the ‘winners’ fight for supremacy in a Thunderdome Battle Royal?

“Perhaps the best thing about the film is that it doesn’t let those other players in the political process off the hook: the voters.” Entertainment Weekly Owen Gleiberman

Honesty in politics

“As with nearly everything else in The Campaign, a little goes a long way, until it finally just goes on too long, period.” Arizona Republic Bill Goodykoontz

Verbalizing grammatical expressions for emphasis works, question mark?

“Would a Republican enjoy this movie as much as a Democrat? Possibly. Party affiliations mean nothing to the characters, nor does the plot approach them. Then why are Huggins and Brady both Republicans? I’ll save you the trouble. It’s because Hollywood is run by a lot of rich liberals, right?” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

If Hollywood is run by rich liberals, most other places are run by rich republicans – exclamation point! Perhaps that’s why Hollywood keeps making movies about battling government corruption with kung-fu; it’s The Bourne Legacy (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

”‘The Bourne Legacy’ is always gripping in the moment. The problem is in getting the moments to add up.” Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times

Translation: Everything is gripping but the math.

“Narratively it’s a pretzel, half-baked.” Michael Phillips Chicago Tribune

The plot is a half-baked pretzel? Dough!

“If this is Bourne’s legacy, he should amend his will.” Patrick Smith Daily Telegraph

Testament to will

“Jeremy Renner transitions smoothly into leading man status. He’s scrappy. Athletic. Real.” Matt Pais RedEye

“The overall tone is familiar, refried, redundant.” Time Richard Corliss

Simple. Elegant. Fragments.

“The Bourne Legacy doesn’t reach the heights of the previous three films, but a guns-blazing final act and strong performances from its entire cast might give it the juice to try for a fifth sequel.” Boxoffice Magazine Kate Erbland

Jeremy Renner is The Bourne Juicer. If he kicks ass stateside in the sequel, the plot could involve 2 days in New York (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The film’s jokes are occasionally unfunny and its tone is frequently shrill. But you know what? Life is occasionally unfunny and frequently shrill. This movie understands that.” Matt Singer ScreenCrush

If someone asks, “Why aren’t your jokes funny?” is it acceptable to respond “because life isn’t funny?”

“The film, which is about a chaotic 48 hours in Marion’s life, succumbs to the chaos it depicts, and so undermines its best intentions. It is, all in all, a likable mess.” A.O. Scott New York Times

The best messes are likable.

“A scattershot culture-clash comedy that goes down like yesterday’s foie gras.” Justin Chang Variety

Tomorrow’s foie gras looks worse than yesterday’s

“Julie Delpy is boundlessly appealing. And Chris Rock is acerbic fun. But the frenzied cross-cultural gags take the piss out of the real subject: how blood ties can turn love into a battlefield.” Peter Travers Rolling Stone

Really? Love is a battlefield? Thanks Pat Benatar. It’s a good thing Hope Springs (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“I think everything about the movie is too subtle and real to appeal to the “Batman” demographic, but for mature audiences who have forgotten how to smile, it takes up where “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’ left off.” New York Observer Rex Reed

Bat-fans should stay away, but you’ll love this movie if you have mild facial paralysis.

“I don’t want to scare anyone away, but Hope Springs, better than I expected, is a movie for grown ups that seems just the tiniest bit French.”  Time Mary Pols

Ouais, et alors?

“An unusually intelligent cut at the relationship game.” Los Angeles Times Betsy Sharkey

The home version

“It takes an almost bracingly explicit attitude toward issues of sexual intimacy, to the degree that just seeing this film might count as therapy for some married couples. The PG-13 rating is justified, and should be taken literally, though I can’t imagine too many parents bringing their kids to this one. Talk about an awkward car ride home.” Portland Oregonian Marc Mohan 

IMO,TMI. LOL.

“A surprise that sneaks up and moves you, “Hope Springs” has the courage of its awkwardness, and this is said admiringly in the spirit of the film, which is irony-free and unfashionably earnest.” Joe Morgenstern Wall Street Journal

King Sheep is earnestly ironic

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Party of One

by on August 8, 2012 at 9:12 am
Posted In: Blog

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I think there’s a part of my brain that’s a drunk frat boy.

I was reading last night about an app called Posebook, and I found someone talking about it on the Penny Arcade forums. In the post, the guy mentioned that the app includes tutorials from some incredibly talented artists “like Mike.” Mike being Mike Krahulilk, the artist behind Penny Arcade, and instantly this part of my brain says, “Talented? That hack?”

Wait, I have the utmost respect for Mike and his artwork. He was already talented from the beginning, and not only has he developed into a terrific artist since I first started reading the strip in 2003, but the man makes a really really good living with it. That is my absolute opinion.

So my next thought was from the Brain Bouncer. He was like, “Hey, Frat Boy, don’t start any trouble. This is a nice place, so keep it cool.”

Then Frat Boy’s like, “Screw you, man! Krahulik’s got a boat and a million-dollar playground! He can take a little ribbing.”

“Stop being a jerk. This kind of cognitive dissonance freaks out the boss.” (my bouncer majored in psych)

“I’ll freak out your mom!” (which is as creative as he gets)

Then there was a fight, and my eye started twitching.

So, part of my brain just wants to get in fights. I think it’s the same part that likes girls in short-shorts. It’s the “cave man” or “reptile brain,” that part that never learned to sit up straight or wash its hands after using the bathroom.

Sometimes I think that part should be the subject of therapy or counseling to get it eliminated. Then I think that it’s kind of nice to have that voice of discord on my mental council. It’s boring to be governed solely by harmonious pedants.

It’s like having a dysfunctional adventuring party in my head. There’s the thief who cases every bank I enter (in the event I need to rob it one day), the paladin who gets in the way of bullies at the grocery store, the sage old wizard who controls traffic lights and is the voice of calm rationality, the assassin who has plotted the deaths of hundreds of people, and, of course, the thug who just wants to brawl and go wenching.

I don’t think that’s crazy. I don’t think so.

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Forever Kid Diary Totals 360 Days

by on August 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

Does the blog title refer to a near-year coming-of-age story for someone who won’t grow up OR a teen vampire diary? The former is predictable and the latter is Total Recall (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The two films have the same underlying bone structure, sure, but this new Total Recall is made of more serious, more humorless stuff. It looks simultaneously lavish and interchangeable in its explosions and shoot-em-ups with a dozen other recent action movies, and in its sci-fi stylings with a dozen others in the genre.” Movieline Allison Willmore

You might say, it totally recalls other movies. But if you said that, you’d be a hack.

“A pastiche of almost too many movies to count as a remake of just one, Total Recall is mindless, middling fare that fails to utilize – much less expand – the provocative concepts at the core of its iconic 1990 predecessor.” The Playlist Todd Gilchrist

Prepare yourself Governator-haters. Arnold’s version was smarter.

“The remake has no grace notes, or grace, no nuance, no humanity, no character quirks, no surprises in the dialogue and no humor.” Wall Street Journal Joe Morgenstern

Represented visually

“Strip away the video-game visual effects, the endless chases and zero gravity shootouts, and Total Recall comes down to this: What is reality?” Philadelphia Inquirer Steven Rea

Q: What is reality.
A: This.

“There’s something sadly poetic about a movie dealing with disappearing memories that vanishes from your mind while you watch it.” New York Daily News Joe Neumaier

Speaking of sad poetic memories, somebody should tell the happy couple that it won’t be Celeste and Jesse Forever (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The whole thing is a step above studio romantic comedies, but that’s not saying much.” indieWIRE Eric Kohn

It’s probably preferable to predictably preachy pap?

“Celeste & Jesse Forever earns points for bucking formula, but its fusion of snark and sincerity has a calculated slickness that rings increasingly hollow.” Variety Justin Chang

An upside of hollow

“What really lifts Celeste and Jesse Forever above the rom-com herd, besides breakout star performances from Jones and Samberg, is the movie’s willingness to replace clichés with painful truths. It’s irresistible.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

Painful truth: Nothing is irresistible.

“This movie will not find an audience. It’s got likable stars, a reliable commercial genre and a decent supporting cast, but nobody will turn out to see it, even if it was a labor of love.” Boxoffice Magazine Ray Greene

See? It’s resistible.

“I will say that it’s been a while since a romantic comedy mustered this much charm by looking this much like life.” Entertainment Weekly Owen Gleiberman

At last, a movie that makes this scuzzy thing called ‘life’ seem charming, which could make you forget that we’re stuck going round and round in a permanent 360 (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Fittingly for its occasional ring imagery, 360 is hollow in the middle.” The A.V. Club Alison Willmore

Being hollow sounds bad, but without it there wouldn’t be donuts, bagels, hula-hoops, or Olympic ring graphics that look like funny glasses.

“It’s easy to hate movies that are abundantly terrible or immoral or stupid, but I almost feel like a jerk telling you that Fernando Meirelles’ globetrotting drama 360 is a mistake from beginning to end.” Salon.com Andrew O’Hehir

Hating a movie shouldn’t make you feel bad, unless it’s likable without you liking it.

“360 represents the number of times you’ll turn to the person next to you and say ‘oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!’” Jordan Hoffman ScreenCrush

One of 360

“I hope Peter Morgan doesn’t give up writing, and I do hope Meirelles gives up trying to be Alejandro González Iñárritu.” Glenn Kenny MSN Movies

If you don’t know those names, that review boils down to: Somebody you’ve never heard of should stop acting like somebody else you’ve never heard of.

“The big thing about Fernando Meirelles’ 360 is that you never forget you’re watching a movie. That’s not a compliment.” Liz Braun Jam! Movies

If you’d rather bury your head in a book, consider reading Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).


“Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days is probably the most inoffensive kid’s film you’re likely to see this summer. And that’s a good thing.” Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

When discussing the offensiveness of kid’s movies, are we talking about the tastes of the parents or the kids?

“Either they’re getting better as they go along, or they’re wearing me down.” Bill Goodykoontz Arizona Republic

Getting better or wearing down?

“For grumpy parents desperate for a few hours of peace, what’s not to like?” This is London

Parents looking for quiet hours will be disappointed, since the movie lasts 93 minutes.

“What happened to madness? What happened to rebellion? Oh, what’s the bloody point? Nobody’s listening. “ Donald Clarke Irish Times

Madness went sane, rebellion got a job, and there’s no bloody point because people would rather watch a movie than read about it.

“The film is more a patched-together collection of anecdotes than a coherent story, and some of Greg’s tribulations, like fear over a high dive and an amusement-park ride, don’t seem age-appropriate for a boy who has just finished seventh grade.” The New York Times Neil Genzlinger

King Sheep is afraid to show fear

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Killer Watches Revolution Sparks

by on July 27, 2012 at 11:35 am
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

In most movies, ‘revolution sparks’ involve a cannon being aimed at symbolic tyranny by symbolic patriots. As an observer of revolution ignition, the killer-in-question is probably covered in fresh blood, which means the fire began with Ruby Sparks (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

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“A beguiling romantic fantasy about the creative process and its potential to quite literally take on a life of its own, Ruby Sparks performs an imaginative high-wire act with finesse and charm.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

The story involves an author whose love for a character brings them to life. If such a power existed, other authors should be first in line, beginning with Stan Lee and J.K.Rowling.

“This smart and sophisticated romp takes surprising directions as it examines the creative process of writing, the delicate balance of relationships, and the mysteries of men and women.” Boxoffice Magazine Pete Hammond

The mysteries of men and women can never be solved, which is why there is so much writing about the subject.

“Ruby Sparks doesn’t try to pretend to be more than it is: a sleek, beautifully written and acted romantic comedy that glides down to earth in a gently satisfying soft landing.” The New York Times Stephen Holden

Gliding towards an unsatisfying landing

“The theme here is solid…and Kazan plays every rewritten aspect nicely. But I’m sorry, movie; would you mind giving us even a token explanation of why this fictional character came to be?” Luke Y. Thompson Nerdist

Hey movie, don’t be upset because the critic is having issues with suspension of disbelief. While doubting your central premise, he referred to you (the movie) as a person.

“The picture, intelligent but mild, has more of a 10-volt hum than a true spark.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

But Ruby 10-Volt Battery isn’t a very catchy title. It’d be like nicknaming someone “Manslaughter Joe” when his real name is Killer Joe (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“This is not some nostalgia-soaked throwback to the noir of old, but a rude, shit-kicking thriller that co-opts – and merrily defiles – a classic like “Double Indemnity.” Whatever its shortcomings, at least they’re never failures of nerve.” The A.V. Club Scott Tobias

In hit-man movies, creators shouldn’t be afraid to pull the trigger.

“Friedkin’s unflinching trailer-park noir features ugly characters, game performances, degradation and the obscene abuse of a chicken drumstick. Highly recommended, then.” Total Film Matt Mueller

Filet that chick

“A gruesome, greasy bucket-load of uninhibited tastelessness. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.” Tom Clift Moviedex

How do you say it in a mean way?

“When this sick, ludicrous cocktail of sex, violence and mayhem was first unveiled a year ago at the Toronto International Film Festival, one wag aptly described it as ‘the ghost of Tennessee Williams meets the spirit of Quentin Tarantino.’ ”New York Observer Rex Reed

Fusing those two writers will either create Tennessee Tarantino or lead to a Step Up: Revolution (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Step Up Revolution is a bad movie with a few good moments, usually when the cast sets aside delusions of acting prowess and does what comes naturally to them, which is to look pretty and perform smartly choreographed seizures.” Steve Persall Tampa Bay Times

Purists describe dance as “the hidden language of the soul,” but only haters would call it “smartly choreographed seizures.” Next up, calling presidential speeches highly-polished verbal diarrhea.

“Some of the highly-choreographed dance scenes are enjoyable, though the hang around way too long. But whenever the music stops and the characters try to talk to each other, it’s pure death. [sic]” Christopher Lloyd Sarasota Herald-Tribune

Could people survive partially-diluted death?

“She’s a rich daddy’s girl! He’s from the wrong side of the tracks! They bridge their socio-economic gap through the power of dance! Rinse, repeat.” Barbara VanDenburgh Arizona Republic

Repeat: baby doesn’t belong here

“‘Step Up: Revolution’ is the fourth of the “Step Up” movies, a series of unconnected stories that serve as showcases for the kinds of young stars who sincerely hope they’ll soon be in better movies.” Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times

If you’d rather see big stars in a terrible movie, watch The Watch (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“It’s so determined to be crude, vulgar and offensive that after a while I grew weary. Abbott and Costello used to knock out funnier movies on this exact intellectual plane without using a single F, S, C, P or A word.” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

You either spent a minute playing fill-in-the-curse or  you didn’t bother. For the latter crowd, here’s the PG version:
F-Fudge
S-Shucks
C-Rhymes with blunt
P-Cat
A-Donkey

“It’s one of those smoke bomb comedies that seems to disappear even while you’re watching, leaving no trace of itself behind.” Michelle Orange Movieline

Disappearing act

“A disease-carrying mosquito of film comedy.” James Verniere Boston Herald

If the first four words are true, I resent the final two. Something that sucks your blood, gives you the plague, and leaves you with a hickey should not cost you $10.

“The principle behind the humor in “The Watch” seems to be: When in doubt, mention testicles.” Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) St. Paul Pioneer Press

King Sheep prefers nuts

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