Grey Man On Ledge For Money

by on January 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

If you’re like me, you’re wondering three things: Who is the Grey Man? Why is he on a ledge?  And what asshole paid him to be there? A lot of terrible things can be justified in the name of popular entertainment, but dangling hue-challenged halfwits from ledges doesn’t seem deserving of fabulous cash and prizes, let alone the Don’t Fall To Your Death home game.  As reality TV continues to test your vicarious joy and shame, the fussy line between black and white skews into The Grey (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“’The Grey’ is a meat-and-potatoes movie about manly survival — red meat and whatever kind of potatoes imply macho.” Bill Goodykoontz Arizona Republic

Probably not the yellow ones.

“Gripping and gruesome in its depiction of all the horrors that the vindictive bitch known as Mother Nature has to offer” Peter Sobczynski eFilmCritic.com

Fear of a vengeful God has been replaced with Gaia-zilla.

“What’s less expected is that the film has the mindset of a weary philosopher behind it.” Mark Dujsik  Mark Reviews Movies

Philosophers know that real is relative. Too bad money isn't.

“Only the weirdly mesmeric momentum of Neeson’s Ulster accent stands against danger and death. He sounds like a demented Ian Paisley blessed with the looks of a snow-battered Lohengrin.” Nigel Andrews Financial Times

Release the clarification!  Ulster – Irish island, Ian Paisley – Irish minister, Lohengrin – maiden-saving Arthurian knight who travels in a boat pulled by swans. Better?

“I was told there would be more wolf-punching.” Brian Miller Village Voice

Release the punching!  Actually, scratch that.  Releasing anything might encourage the Man On A Ledge (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“This cloddishly contrived suspenser is too busy to bore, but too farfetched to thrill, combining routine heist-thriller machinations with dialogue that often thuds like a body hitting asphalt.” Variety Justin Chang

Given the title, that review might need a spoiler warning.

“Man on a Ledge makes bigger leaps of logic than Nick will if he fails a gravity test. If the transparent sting springing him from Sing Sing doesn’t roll your eyes, then wait for the climax when Nick becomes a kind of plainclothes Spider-Man.” Tampa Bay Times Steve Persall

Failing the gravity test makes some heroes super.

“The script is a hot mess of the highest order, taking some of the stalest chestnuts in the long, venerated legacy of the framed-cop-trying-to-clear-his-name genre and somehow f—ing it up, in scene after scene after scene.” Slant Magazine Jaime N. Christley

Chestnuts don’t appear in many framed-cop movies, which is probably why they’re stale.

“Nobody should be this hard up for entertainment.” Peter Howell Toronto Star

These guys were

“Dumber than its title and less exciting than its poster, this spectacularly silly thriller starts with a sky-high concept and soon plummets towards preposterousness.” Matt Glasby Total Film

Dumber than a tired title and less exciting than its poster makes this movie One For The Money (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Listlessly directed by Julie Anne Robinson (Miley Cyrus’s The Last Song) from a script written by a trio of writers (Stacy Sherman, Karen Ray and Liz Brixius), One for the Money is tepidly glib throughout. Even violent murders are followed by wisecracks or another prurient opportunity to ogle Heigl’s behind and cleavage.” The Globe and Mail (Toronto) Liam Lacey

You’re in luck.  The posters for two of this weekend’s three releases save you the trouble of watching the movie.  Ogle away!

“To compare this mess to a sitcom would be an insult to sitcoms.” Peter Howell Toronto Star

Is that also true for insulting sitcoms?

“Fans of Evanovich’s work should walk away satisfied, perhaps even delighted with the adaptation. Everyone else will simply be able to walk away, which is saying something considering the debilitating toxicity of Heigl’s recent output.” Brian Orndorf BrianOrndorf.com

The upside is you’ll probably survive the film equivalent of retina poison, however the question remains: do you want to pay to see it?

“Didn’t Jennifer Aniston already do a bounty hunter movie? Talk about sloppy seconds.” Roger Moore Dallas Morning News

Do people feel guilty when they get off?

“No wonder Lionsgate chose not to screen the finished product in advance for review. ‘One for the Money’ is a surefire example of inept filmmaking, absolutely reeking of rote desperation.” Dustin Putman DustinPutman.com

King Sheep reeks of wrote narration

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Red Wire World

by on January 20, 2012 at 7:44 am
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

If you’re wondering what happened to Blue Wire World – it was cut.  A similar fate awaits Underworld: Awakening (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) because there weren’t any reviews available to be rounded up.  Usually dodging critics is a sign that something went Haywire (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).


“Nifty spy actioner featuring impressive big-screen newcomer and martial-arts expert Gina Carano as a high-level, high-kickin’ intel operative for hire but not to mess with.” Doris Toumarkine Film Journal International

Don’t mess with her, even though she’s hired to clean up messes.

“Haywire doesn’t just start 2012 with a bang; it sets the bar very, very high for every action film that’s going to follow in its footsteps this year.” James Rocchi MSN Movies

Some bars are set where you shouldn't follow

“A jet-propelled action-thriller that has little time for wasted motion…intense and intensely lean…It’s that rarity – an action movie with intelligence. “Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

Odd syntax…distracting punctuation – questionable intelligence.

“This uber-stylish treat may have low nutritional content, but the kinetic hand-to-hand combat fight scenes and Soderbergh’s lethal skill are simply seductive.” Tim Grierson Screen International

When violence is seductive, sex probably kills.

“Streamlined, beautifully shot and casually thrilling, Haywire’s superior action fun should hopefully draw audiences eager for R-rated, no-frills fare.” Boxoffice Magazine Vadim Rizov

But if R-rated fare w/o frills fails to nail the sale, grab some pale ale and watch the Red Tails (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The movie is so desperate to be palatable, to appeal to everybody that it doesn’t taste like anything.” Boston Globe Wesley Morris

So, it tastes like cinematic chicken?

“George Lucas served as executive producer for this effects-heavy action film about the Tuskegee Airmen, and it feels as synthetic and dull as ‘The Phantom Menace.’” Chicago Reader Ben Sachs

Me-sa sorry to hear that.

“In the end Red Tails is mostly about the coolness of flying. Its heart is in the clouds, instead of with the men at the controls.” Movieline Stephanie Zacharek

I hope the clouds can catch

“Apart from the occasional thrill provided by CG-enhanced aerial dogfights, this stuffy history lesson about the groundbreaking African-American fighter pilot division never quite takes off, weighed down by wooden characters and leaden screenwriting.” Variety Peter Debruge

Someone tell Lucas his wooden pilots can’t take off because their talking weighs too much.

“The war-movie cliches are as abundant as the antiaircraft fire, and the dialogue as wooden as a balsa glider. The leading characters are issued one personality trait apiece, and some don’t even get that. Cuba Gooding Jr., for example, plays Maj. Emanuelle Stance as a man who smokes a pipe.” Washington Post Mark Jenkins

King Sheep prays there isn’t a “I have a pipe dream” speech

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We Need To Talk About Contraband Lady Noise

by on January 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

Do we have to?  It might be contraband for a reason.  In prison, things are off limits because they’re too dangerous (i.e. guns/drugs) or too fun (i.e. drugs/sex).  Now that some prisons deny convicts the right to masturbate, we’re left to wonder if the contraband lady noise is Joyful Noise (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Joyful Noise certainly has its demographics covered.” Slant Magazine R. Kurt Osenlund

Add it to the list of things borrowed from Glee.

“The film feels about as genuine and spontaneous as its evident lip-synching.” Austin Chronicle Marjorie Baumgarten

Milli Vanilli was an unsung talent

“The movie’s all right, if you can take its rampant artificiality – and I’m not even talking about Parton’s face yet.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

Parton’s face speaks for itself

“Grousing aside, this is a disarmingly sweet movie, enjoyable to the hilt, with music that really stomps.” New York Observer Rex Reed

Is that what happened to her face?

“More stupid movies should leave you with such a blissfully stupid smile.” Time Out New York Keith Uhlich

The upside of stupidity is blissful ignorance.  Forget I said that.  Some ideas are dangerous, like suggesting that being a mudblood is better than being a muggle.  For panicky people and Potterheads, some ideas are Contraband (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“If ever there were a typical January movie, it’s Contraband, a film so dreary (and downright distasteful) that no studio would think of releasing it in December, when all eyes are focused on quality.” Leonard Maltin Leonard Maltin’s Picks

Take notice fellow sheep.  We have entered January (a.k.a. the Valley of Low Expectations).  I will guide you, even though there is only one path.

“This solid if disposable genre exercise maintains a hard-driving line of action and a commitment to one-damned-thing-after-another storytelling that carries it past any number of narrative speedbumps and preposterous detours.” Variety Justin Chang

Sentences-comprised-of-one-multi-hyphenated-word-are-also-one-damned-thing-after-another.

“Wahlberg has the presence, the glower and the laconic line readings to guide us through a mess of pain, painlessly.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

Painless pain

“What we’re left with is a movie that is about as nourishing as the Junior Mints and nachos available at the theater snack bar. But, then, many a Friday night dinner has been made of far less.” New Orleans Times-Picayune Mike Scott

The movie equivalent of a couch potato is a theater tot.

“A big comedown from “The Fighter,” Contraband finds Wahlberg in default mode: With his Popeye biceps and broody stares, the actor can do a character like Chris without even thinking about it – and that’s what he does here.” Philadelphia Inquirer Steven Rea

A fighter like Popeye should consider dating someone other than Olive Oyl.  No offense Olive, but the man with spinach muscles needs The Iron Lady (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

 “Fuzzy-headed biopic, which glosses over the former British prime minister’s politics in favor of a glib, breakneck whirl around her career and marriage.” Leslie Felperin Variety

A movie about a politician that doesn’t focus on politics is like Rocky without boxing.

“There’s no disputing Streep’s brilliance, which this time feels more calculated than usual, in a movie demanding only an impersonation.” St. Petersburg Times Steve Persall

Miscalculated impersonation

“The Iron Lady is, to put it kindly, a shambles.” SlateDana Stevens

That comment is, to put it “kindly,” an insult.

“This iron lady of cinema deserves better.” Time Out New York Keith Uhlich

After being nominated for over 100 acting awards, Meryl is trump in the Kevin Bacon game.  She’s worked with so many people, perhaps we should call it the Meryl Streep game.  In the meantime, We Need To Talk About Kevin (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“A meditation on the pain suffered by a mother when her child turns out to be a monster, We Need to Talk about Kevin is the perfect tonic for holiday cheer.” ReelViews James Berardinelli

If you need a belated x-mas present for Ebenezer Scrooge, this movie = humbug hootch.

“Ramsey’s film has its own strengths. We Need To Talk About Kevin doesn’t just bring you to the outskirts of a parent’s worst nightmare; this fever dream of guilt and loss takes you straight inside.” Time Mary Pols

It’s a dream inside a nightmare.  That’s like stuffing a hamburger with a hotdog.

“Ms. Ramsay, with ruthless ingenuity, creates a deeper dread and a more acute feeling of anticipation by allowing us to think we know what is coming and then shocking us with the extent of our ignorance.” The New York Times A.O. Scott 

It’s ignorant to think people wouldn’t

“It’s a gripping, grueling movie, but is it one most American parents will want to watch? Probably not, and I can’t blame them. But is it one many American parents should see? Absolutely.” Stephen Whitty Newark Star-Ledger

Is the reviewer implying that only American parents will raise evil children?  I hope not.  Does the review (mis)use rhetorical questions?  Absolutely.

“What it does do, with stomach-freezing efficacy, is to swim around inside the pain of a parent whose child is a monster.” Rob Gonsalves eFilmCritic.com

Would you prefer a moran?

“Offers plenty of questions about its well disguised, bleak core subject matter. And, in a welcome change, food for thought instead of easy answers.” Graham Young Birmingham Mail

King Sheep wonders what ideas taste like

 

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The Incredible Zoo Horse Tattoo Adventures

by on December 22, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

Would you watch a show called Zoo Horse Tattoo Adventures? It sounds like Animal Planet crossed with Miami Ink.  First episode: A horse hosts an MTV-style coming-of-age story about misfit zebras experimenting with checker patterns.  Sure, it’s ridiculous.  The likelihood of it happening is the same as an elephant performing a Prince Albert on its trunk.  If you don’t get the reference, don’t look it up.  If you did, let me tell you about The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“As classy a film as could be made from Stieg Larsson’s sordid page-turner, David Fincher’s much-anticipated return to serial-killer territory is a fastidiously grim pulp entertainment that plays like a first-class train ride through progressively bleaker circles of hell.“ Variety Justin Chang

A posh Terror Train descending the circles of hell could be fun, so long as there aren’t any stops.

“The difference between Niels Arden Oplev’s adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and David Fincher’s own is not, as some might have hoped, the difference between night and day, but between curdled milk and a warmed-over holiday second.” Slant Magazine Ed Gonzalez

Instead of apples and oranges, it’s rotten apples and over-ripened apples?

“A tough, post-punk Tintin-meets-Klute for the Occupy Wall Street set, this kinetic, hard-edged thriller is the perfect festive comedown for Fincher fans and dysfunctional families everywhere.” Empire Damon Wise

Whatever they're on, I hope they come down soon

“Has much to recommend it – high-end craftsmanship, a singular heroine, a labyrinthine mystery, an intriguing milieu – yet lacks a vital spark.” Wall Street Journal Joe Morgenstern

The spark happens in the sequel – The Girl Who Played With Fire.

“Seeing Fincher’s version is like getting a Christmas gift of a book you already have. This edition has a nicer binding and prettier illustrations than your beloved old paperback, but it’s essentially a reproduction of the same old dragon. Dragon Tat-two.” Time Richard Corliss

Tat-two isn’t the only franchise cash-calf waiting to mature, just ask Spielberg and Jackson about what happens after The Adventures of Tin Tin (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Clearly rejuvenated by his collaboration with producer Peter Jackson, and blessed with a smart script and the best craftsmanship money can buy, Spielberg has fashioned a whiz-bang thrill ride that’s largely faithful to the wholesome spirit of his source but still appealing to younger, Tintin-challenged audiences.” Variety Leslie Felperin

Are Tintin-challenged kids pro-aluminum?

“The relentless pace is a big part of the fun. Who ever heard of a slow rollercoaster, anyway? You’ll have to ride this one in the theater, though. It simply won’t be the same at home.” Miami Herald Rene Rodriguez

Riding a slow roller coaster is like putting a NASCAR on blocks in your front yard or drinking Starbucks while meditating.  Let coasters be coasters and let people be people (not corporations).

“The movie comes at you in a whoosh, like a volcano of creative ideas in full eruption.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

Tourists look for idea volcanoes

 

This is what happens if they find one

“His (Spielberg) The Adventures of Tintin jettisons character, back story, plot, depth and emotional ties to deliver 100 minutes of beautifully shot mayhem. It’s handsome, hectic, heartless and hollow, a shiny Christmas box with nothing but glitter inside.” Charlotte Observer Lawrence Toppman

Glitter is a step up from coal.  And hey, free box!

“Everything in The Adventures of Tintin is meticulous – this is a Steven Spielberg movie, after all.” Movieline Stephanie Zacharek

At age sixty-six, Spielberg is releasing two films in one week; he’s a movie-making War Horse (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“You may find yourself resisting this sentimental pageant of early-20th-century rural English life, replete with verdant fields, muddy tweeds and damp turnips, but my strong advice is to surrender.” A.O. Scott New York Times

And let the War Horse win?  Only if surrendering makes him the Peace Horse.

“Steven Spielberg’s epic drama is technically superb and clearly heartfelt. It is also, I’m sad to say, an odd mix that sometimes soars, sometimes, doesn’t.” Joanna Langfield The Movie Minute

But there’s a big difference between semi-successfully soaring and crashing.

“While the human actors in War Horse are genuinely impressive, it’s the equine that truly carries the weight of the story, and Spielberg does a phenomenal job at making Joey a believable character that convincingly grows and evolves.” Jason Buchanan TV Guide’s Movie Guide

The next contender in the Equine character competition

“Director Steven Spielberg doesn’t have a steady grip on War Horse’s careening tone, but he’ll be damned if there’s not 15 minutes in there for everyone.” Boxoffice Magazine Amy Nicholson

Everyone gets their 15 minutes of shame-less entertainment.

“If anyone thought Steven Spielberg couldn’t top himself for manipulating audience emotions, they didn’t reckon with War Horse.” Peter Howell Toronto Star

This week is all about manipulation and lifeless technology.  It’s all Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Likely to divide critics, the film deserves audience support as a major work about the impact of 9/11 on ordinary lives, boasting a towering turn by Thomas Horn as a bright child forced to come to terms with personal loss and collective nightmare.” Emanuel Levy EmanuelLevy.Com

Critics have been divided.  Haters first.

“It will always be “too soon” for Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close, which processes the immense grief of a city and a family through a conceit so nauseatingly precious that it’s somehow both too literary and too sentimental, cloying yet aestheticized within an inch of its life.” The A.V. Club Scott Tobias

Haters make the appreciation of beauty sound like being tranquilized.

“Certainly not a bad movie, but a disappointing one. It knocks itself out trying to break your heart, but it’s too starched and blow-dried for its own good. Maybe if it had manipulated me less, it would have moved me more.” New York Observer Rex Reed

Positive manipulation

“It more resembles a spindly kid running around and screaming for two hours before a hastily applied Hollywood ending shuts him up.” Grae Drake Movies.com

Are happy endings good for you?  If so, don’t hurry off.  Even if it’s happy, it’s still an ending. Why not stick around?  We Bought A Zoo (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The cynics will scoff and dismiss it all as manipulative, the heartstring-tugging machine on hyperdrive. But this movie isn’t for them; did you not see the PG? It’s a sweet, sincere, utterly affable kids’ movie about how parents are all kinds of screwed up and unable to tell their kids what they want or show them how they feel.” Village Voice Robert Wilonsky

If the movie is going to be about sucky parents, I’m glad it’s only PG.

“Whatever the case, you may not buy his happy endings, but it’s a seductive ideal when all of God’s creatures, great and small, buxom and blond, exist in such harmony.” The New York Times Manohla Dargis

Even this one?

“Watching the overlong, overfeeling, overdirected We Bought a Zoo made me glad to return from Cameron Crowe’s world to the real world, where things aren’t quite so simple.” Dan Kois Slate

What if simplicity is overrated?

“There’s a word for the strenuous, shameless plucking of an audience’s emotions that this movie traffics in: cornography.” Richard Corliss TIME Magazine

King Sheep suspects cornographers are a bunch of corn dogs

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Chipmunk Carnage Wreaks Impossible Game

by on December 16, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

Damn those chipmunks!  The most memorable thing about them is the name of the most annoying one! After the Squeakquel, I wanted the singing rodents to get lost on a desert island, which happens to be the plot of Alvin and the Chipmunks – Chipwrecked (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“It’s probably quite a few people’s idea of hell – being trapped on a desert island with Alvin and The Chipmunks for ear-drum-testing company.” Tim Evans Sky Movies

Does that make Alvin the devil?  He does wear red.

“It’s an uninspired and instantly forgettable film. But it completely succeeds by its own standards: an 87-minute rainy-day distraction that will probably make a zillion dollars.” San Francisco Chronicle Peter Hartlaub

Good luck finding someone to break this

“Well, at least it isn’t in 3D.” Michael Rechtshaffen Hollywood Reporter

Hooray!  Only two dimensions!

“Puns like these would be unforgivable coming from a human. From high-pitched rodents, they prompt calls for an exterminator.”Jake Coyle Associated Press

Is it too much to hope a volcano erupts and makes critter fritters?

“They die horribly.” Jaime N. Christley Slant Magazine

Success!  Except the reviewer’s next words were “Well, I may have embellished the last part.”  They don’t die at all!  Horrible!  Is wrong to want kids movies to have more Carnage (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic)?

“Snappy, nasty, deftly acted and perhaps the fastest paced film ever directed by a 78-year-old, this adaptation of Yasmina Reza’s award-winning play God of Carnage fully delivers the laughs and savagery of the stage piece.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

To make it snappy, they killed God…from the title.

“Polanski’s interest in the play makes sense, but the real star of the show is the casting director.” Eric Kohn indieWIRE

Take a bow Fiona Weir.  Or better yet, cast someone to play you and have them take a bow.

“Foster, Reilly, Winslet and Waltz (four Oscar wins among them) share a preternatural gift for imbuing even the quietest moments with extraordinary, unconventional feeling.” Robert Levin Film School Rejects

An ego-blow for John C. Reilly – the only Oscar-contenda.

“Relatively light-hearted for a Polanski film (no one dies), Carnage is fun verbal warfare cleanly filmed.” Boxoffice Magazine Vadim Rizov

Hooray for clean warfare

“The real battle in Roman Polanski’s brisk, fitfully amusing adaptation of Yasmina Reza’s popular play is a more formal clash between stage minimalism and screen naturalism, as this acid-drenched four-hander never shakes off a mannered, hermetic feel that consistently betrays its theatrical origins.” Variety Justin Chang

Huh?  Taken out of context, the author sounds one hand short of a four-hander.  In context, he preferred the play.  If you’d never heard of the play…

“Involving portrait of two couples meeting to smooth out the rough edges of a mutual problem who wind up letting loose all the anger, disappointment, and hatred inside themselves.” Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Spirituality and Practice

And the result is the title. There doesn’t appear to be much mystery involved.  Hardly worthy of Sherlock Holmes 2: A Game of Shadows (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Faster, funnier and even more bromantic than the original, this far from stately Holmes delivers piping hot entertainment at a furious lick.” Neil Smith Total Film

Bromance!  Piping hot!  Lick!  Exclamation points imply accusation!

“Occasionally thrilling, sometimes hilarious and mostly absolute claptrap. Think of it as a lot like drinking a fourth cup of holiday eggnog: Not really a good idea at all, but you might have fun.” Salon.com Andrew O’Hehir

Eggnog - so tasty people drink it (almost) once a year

“The touches that made the first film a surprise seem to have disappeared. The Holmes/Watson relationship is now shrill, the facade of a mystery story has been chucked for a nation-hopping action adventure, and the volume has been turned up to 12.” Devin Faraci Badass Digest

Holy shit!  That’s one more than 11!

“Much like the first Sherlock, the good work by Downey Jr. and Law is largely undone by flat humour, stilted action and a dull, breadcrumb-following plot unbecoming of Doyle’s beloved detective. The ending, though, is much better than the film deserves.” Shaun Munro What Culture

How can a film not deserve its ending?  Did Indiana Jones IV deserve a nuclear fridge beginning?

“After quite a few tedious detours and distractions, when the film finally gets down to the business of a climax at a gathering of elite European diplomats in a precariously perched Swiss mountain castle, it becomes not half-bad.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

It’s the mystery of the not-half-bad distraction, which sounds like a Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“The wait for a great action movie is finally over. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is pure popcorn of the highest, most flavorful order, and it’s good for you, too.” Rene Rodriguez Miami Herald

The taste of flavored popcorn and the nutritional value of vegetables?  Is this more of Tom Cruise’s witchcraft?

“Even those allergic to Cruise would struggle to resist his magnetism grinning one-handed from the highest skyscraper in the world, cool as a cucumber, ripped as celery.” Catherine Shoard Guardian [UK]

Proud as a tomato; strange as kiwi.

“The film never forgets the truism that this genre can do wonders in papering over its cracks simply by letting you have a good time.” Martin Roberts Fan The Fire

"If youth knew; if age could." Sigmund Freud

“Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is the best film in the franchise so far.” Thomas Caldwell Cinema Autopsy

Most franchises get progressively worse with every sequel, but Tom Cruise found a way to perfect his formula.  He can save anything, even a series from himself.

“They really got the ‘mission’ part of Mission: Impossible right this time… delivers the awesome for the holidays.” Fred Topel Crave Online

King Sheep aspires to be an awesome delivery man

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