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Artist at Work

by Major Sheep on September 26, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Posted In: Blog

There should be a new comic today, honestly.  There would be, too, if it weren’t for the confounding demons living in my HP scanner.

I have a problem.  I keep meaning to write posts.  It’s often said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  In my case, that pavement leads to limbo, or, more often, two hours of internet link-clicking (gophering?).  My hitch is that I always think a blog post should be a thing of substance.  Too much these days are filled with tweets about lunchbox contents, and status updates on the resulting bowel movement.   A post should have a point, a message, or a story at least.  It should be interesting.

So here we are.

Six weeks ago, I achieved a life goal when I became a professional full-time artist, and I now find myself in a state of transformation.  Old habits (drawing in secret while pretending to work) are dying hard, and new realizations (voicing creative opinions, and being confident in my artistic choices) are a-bloomin’.  It’s strange and beautiful, and I feel the need to journalize this new chapter in my life.  At worst, it’s a catharsis.  At best, I’m hoping some other fledgling artist might find a smackerel of helpful knowledge in my story.

I know that when I was looking for a job, there was an appalling lack of specific information about how to go about actually doing so.  Everything was vague or subjective or so general that it could just as easily apply to finding work as a pool cleaner.  Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, or asking the wrong questions, but the most common advice I always found was “keep at it.”

Well, I don’t know much about getting a job in the video game field, since this is my first, but here’s what I do know:

1. Have a solid art foundation.  You should understand classic principles of color, perspective, anatomy, and composition, and your art should reflect that.  If your talent is that you can draw one thing (Pokemons, Manga, or Looney Tunes) really well, then you should branch out because you’re competing with people who can draw many things really well.

2. Have a good attitude.  Anguished souls may be at home in gallery showings, but in a team environment where communication and interpersonal relations are key, you should turn that frown upside down and leave your ego at home.

3. Submitting for the same job listing at the same company every week for a month does not increase your chances.

That’s all I’ve got for now.  When I know more, so will you.

 

└ Tags: advice, artist at work, job
2 Comments

Twenty Killer Dolphins Abduct Moneyball Machine

by King Sheep on September 23, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

This week honors the best and worst. The awful and awesome.  Shit and opposhit.  The reviews in this roundup are the top praise and the lowest blow.  It’s bad news followed by good; worst movies first.  Put another way, if you stole the reels for the first movie before it played, nobody would care about the Abduction (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Actual abduction may be preferable to the movie of the same name, but only if your kidnappers don’t torture you by forcing you to watch it.” New York Post Kyle Smith

Evil kidnappers torture you with Abduction and good kidnappers abduct you from Abduction.

“As Nathan, the teenage hero of Abduction, Lautner shows he’s handy with stunts, many of which he clearly and impressively performs himself, and good with a fight scene. But when it comes to exchanges of dialogue, displays of emotion or just standing around, he’s stiff and manifestly uncomfortable.” Movieline Alison Willmore

Anyone would be upset to learn their weaknesses were talking, feeling, and standing.  Hearing that about yourself might even make a man of God into a Machine Gun Preacher (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The title, Machine Gun Preacher, makes it sound like a piece of grindhouse kitsch – and by the time it’s over, you’ll be thinking, ”If only!” “Entertainment Weekly Owen Gleiberman

The film is based on real events and can’t live up to its title, despite having machine guns and preachers.  Perhaps the film needed more pistol-packing protagonists, such as the Ecclesiastic Equalizer, Friar Uzi, and the Dalai Bomb-a.

“Provocative, faith-affirming, and challenging, it models what Christian-made films could be. Childers’s Christianity is shown as the dynamic and intricate force that it is.” Todd Hertz Christianity Today

If the church praised bible-thumping bad-asses, the most holy hole-makers would be the Killer Elite (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“It’s not even that the film is an unwatchable disaster — it’s just a big disappointment.” Ethan Alter Television Without Pity

Why is ‘big disappointment’ made to sound worse than disaster for your eyeballs?

“This is actually a pretty good thriller, based more on character and plot than on action for its own sake. The need to construct killings that look like accidents adds to the interest.” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

The film makes murder interesting!  Hooray?  Another supposedly fun film topic: a retrospective career documentary for a band that still produces records, e.g. Pearl Jam Twenty (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“At its best, Pearl Jam 20 makes a convincing argument that Nirvana wasn’t the most iconic band to rise from the grunge scene. Ultimately, however, Crowe’s fanboy treatment pushes it into a mosh pit of mediocrity.” Portland Oregonian Joseph Rose

Mosh pit of ridiculosity

“A must-see for Pearl Jam fans – and for folks keen on gleaning insights into the pressures that come with megastardom.“ Philadelphia Inquirer Steven Rea

Pressures of megastardom include trying to cope with being awesome, wearing tight pairs of gold-plated socks and diamond-studded shoes, and shrugging off adoring fans and cash offers.  If you prefer movies about characters on a lower rung of the social (fish) ladder, consider a Dolphin Tale (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Accompanying grown-ups or older siblings will have to choke down a sizable dose of schmaltz with their fish milkshakes.” Neil Genzlinger New York Times

Since theaters don’t sell fish milkshakes, and it’s unlikely anyone would sneak one in, everyone gets a sample from the Super Bass-O-Matic ’76 when they buy a ticket for the dolphin movie.  If that’s true, Worst.  Promotion.  Ever.

“This true story of a dolphin with a prosthetic tail has been precision engineered for full inspirational, heart-warming value.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

Better...stronger....faster and capable of photo bombing

Do you wonder if dolphins think they’re smarter than you?  What if they’re making a sport of humans?  We think we’re hearing happy squeaks and playing catch, but they’re engaged in an elaborate betting game of vicious taunts and biting the hand that feeds. Even if humans had a dolphin translator, all we’d hear are calls for free lunches and their favorite game, Moneyball (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“True to Hollywood’s tireless efforts to fit square-peg material into roundish genre niches, this wavering, intermittently smart story of daring to think differently flattens its narrative into formula.” Slant Magazine Bill Weber

Even the haters think it’s smart, sometimes.

“The movie is an absolute triumph of culturally relevant filmmaking – a film that will thrill and fascinate sport junkies and non-fans alike. If you like baseball, you will love this movie. If you hate baseball, you will still love this movie.“ Miami Herald Rene Rodriguez

King Sheep loves guaranteed love

└ Tags: Abduction, Dolphin Tale, Killer Elite, Machine Gun Preacher, Moneyball, Pearl Jam Twenty
Comments Off on Twenty Killer Dolphins Abduct Moneyball Machine

09/18/2011

by Major Sheep on September 18, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic
Comments Off on 09/18/2011

I Don’t Know How Dogs Drive

by King Sheep on September 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

However they do it, I suspect it’s ruff; especially if it involves parallel barking.  I know, I know.  Not all puppy puns rock, some aren’t even Straw Dogs (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Straw Dogs is an artful provocation — a meditation on masculinity and societal mores in the guise of an explosive thriller.” Rene Rodriguez Miami Herald

I support art forms that provoke people through explosive meditation.

“This new version of Straw Dogs, written and directed by Rod Lurie, has been contemporized, sanitized and stripped of all complexity, and what’s left is as empty as a used piñata.” Movieline Alison Willmore

Maybe the piñata isn’t empty, but filled with invisible toys and air candy.

“Peckinpah rubbed our noses in the bloodlust. Lurie invites objectivity. He gets strong, complex performances from actors who won’t be painted into corners.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

What an ass

“Whereas Peckinpah managed not only to raise hackles but to get under the skin, Lurie manages only the former, which reduces the material to the level of sensation-mongering.” Todd McCarthy Hollywood Reporter

Sensation-mongering = having your emotions flicked like they were the back of your ear.

“The protagonists have become more likable and empowered, motivations have become more cut and dried, and references to underlying political schisms are downplayed.” Andrew Barker Variety
.
If you know a dry protagonist who enjoys sensation mongering and downplaying empowered schisms, tell her I Don’t Know How She Does It (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“I don’t know why she does it.” Lisa Schwarzbaum Entertainment Weekly

Does anyone know who/what/when/where/why she does it?

“She is also played by Sarah Jessica Parker, a performer so aggressively determined to make us like her that no work-life conflicts in the film ever gain any traction; we’re too distracted by the actress’s manic tics (the head tilts, the popping of the wounded-deer eyes) to notice any real adversity.” Village Voice Melissa Anderson

Sarah Jessica Barker

“What I don’t know: why these movies keep getting made.” Melissa Anderson Village Voice

Nobody knows anything, but what do I know?

“Panders to its audience instead of challenging the sensitive juggling act that working mothers face every day. This picture is not insight, it’s a display of insipid wish fulfillment.” Brian Orndorf BrianOrndorf.com

In small print it says: Can only be used to wish for more wishes

“”I Don’t Know How She Does It” suggests what might have happened to Carrie if she had two kids with Mr. Big to worry about, and less time to obsess over her wardrobe.” Christy Lemire Associated Press

Instead of Sex In The City, it’s No Sex In The Suburbs?  If that’s the case, perhaps you should hop in your car and Drive (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Starring Ryan Gosling as a Hollywood stuntman/getaway driver, Drive takes the tired heist-gone-bad genre out for a spin, delivering fresh guilty-pleasure thrills in the process.” Variety Peter Debruge

Woo hoo!  Fresh guilt!

“The film… has a kind of daredevil control, swerving dangerously close to and abruptly away from self-parody.” J. Hoberman Village Voice

Chickens playing chicken

“A lot of critics will talk about how the movie is a stripped-down, “pure” genre piece, and there’s a lot of truth to that. What may not get as much press is the way stripped-down-ness is an affectation, and always has been.” Slant Magazine Jaime N. Christley

It has it, but it’s faking it.  If that’s true, don’t forget: “Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.” Kurt Vonnegut

“One of the first truly must-see movies of the year — a seemingly incompatible blend of art-house drama and Hollywood revenge thriller that somehow works.” Jason Zingale Bullz-Eye.com

The critics are impressed, but confused.  The more they try to describe it, the more they talk in circles.

“Perhaps Drive is an action movie for those who don’t ordinarily like action movies. It’s also an action movie for those who crave them like a drug.” James Berardinelli ReelViews

King Sheep thinks that's everybody

└ Tags: Drive, I Don't Know How She Does It, review roundup, Straw Dogs
1 Comment

The Warrior Street Contagious Debt

by King Sheep on September 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews

I don’t know where Warrior Street is, but the super-spending businesses there should be reminded that we’re in a recession.  These days, a mail box on Wall Street is worth everything on Main Street (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Main Street is an ensemble drama that functions as a display case for a range of regional drawls, from the authentic to absurd.” Alison Willmore Movieline

It’s not a good sign when the speaking is more interesting than what is said.

“This disappointingly suffers from some uninspired direction and a clutch of odd casting choices, which never work.” Andrew Moraitis  FILMINK (Australia)

Oddest casting decision - James Bond's least-believable nuclear physicist

“An unreleased movie is like a kind of commodity, one whose value goes up and down depending on the vagaries of circumstance.” Craig Mathieson sbs.com.au

The movie is offered as a commodity, but if it doesn’t equal its cost, all that’s left over is The Debt (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“There is an awkward, irresoluble tension between the movie’s urge to thrill and the weighty pull of the historical obligations that it seeks to assume. How much, to be blunt, should we be enjoying ourselves?” Anthony Lane New Yorker

Answer: Whatever amount justifies the ticket price.

“A taut, suspenseful ride through the doldrums of the late summer movie dead season.” Frank Wilkins Frank’s Reel Reviews

Dulled drums

“Vogel’s introduction, ‘This is my hand, and this is the speculum,’ may at last have displaced the ‘Is it safe?’ of Christian Szell–another Mengele stand-in–as the most discomfiting sentence ever uttered by doctor to patient onscreen.” Christopher Orr The Atlantic

That may be the least utterable sentence to ever describe an unutterable sentence, until someone fumbles uttering this utterance.

“The Debt has the overall air of an Oscar contender that never got into the ring — well-made, but not spectacular. Still, it serves as a fine, full introduction to Chastain’s potential.” Tom Long Detroit News

It coulda been a contenda, instead it’s a pretenda.  Careful.  Talking like that might catch ona.  The effect could be treated as a Contagion (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Steven Soderbergh’s grim and gripping medical thriller has arrived and it’s guaranteed to turn you into a hypochondriac.” Randy Myers Contra Costa Times

Thank you Soderbergh – your film is a guaranteed demo of OCD.  Next you’re going to promise me a headache and food poisoning from the concessions.

“The film is most riveting in its early scenes, when Soderbergh’s digital cameras locate germs everywhere – don’t touch those peanuts!” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

Is it okay to touch the popcorn!?!

“Contagion’s restraint is marred by one element – Alan Krumwiede, the San Francisco-based activist blogger played by Jude Law, a conspiracy theorist who wields claims about uncovering the truth like a blunt instrument intended to menace.” Movieline Alison Willmore

Additional blunt weapons of Truthiness: The Plain-Talking Punch, The Sincere Sledge-Hammer of Honesty, and The Fun-Fact Folding Chair.

“He’s the anti-Michael Bay, the un-Roland Emmerich. No fake-documentary “realism” here; Soderbergh values the silence before the storm, or a hushed two-person encounter in which one or both parties are concealing something.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

He may also be the super-Scorsese, the semi-Spielberg, and/or the anti-Lucas; perhaps even the Woo Warrior (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Warrior is a surprising gut punch, a modern-day “Rocky” saga with two mixed martial arts pugs trying to beat, choke and kick the system.” St. Petersburg Times Steve Persall

Rocky fought the Soviet system, but modern day fighters are less particular.  Then again, perhaps the system had it coming.

“One of the most heart-wrenching and deeply felt films of the year.” Movieline Jen Yamato

Deeply felt heart-wrenching

“Warrior aspires to myth. It’s Cain and Abel battling it out in the face of a decidedly ungodly father before humanity goes down for the count. Strong stuff.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

This weekend has it out for the audience.   You’re promised heart pain, free hypochondria, and now, humanity is threatened with a KO.  If Hollywood didn’t run on money, I’d think it was trying to make you stay home.

“It hardly rewrites the rulebook, but Warrior is a powerful, moving and brilliant sports-pic-cum-family drama. Like “The Fighter,” but with kicking.” Empire Dan Jolin

King Sheep loves a good kicker

 

└ Tags: Contagion, Main Street, review roundup, The Debt, Warrior
Comments Off on The Warrior Street Contagious Debt
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