Comments Off on 10/21/2010
Hello, all you faithful readers out there. I know I’ve been terrible about contributing to this blog, and this site, on a regular basis. This used to be the place to go for funny cartoons and funny movie reviews, but lately Pat has been carrying the full responsibility of entertaining.
Not that Pat can’t carry that load on his own. He’s a natural-born crowd-pleaser, a one-man summer blockbuster, Ocean’s 11 in human form.
I got a rare treat Saturday night in the form of an uncut airing of “American Pie” on Comedy Central. How do I know it was uncut? Stifler said “fuck” on cable TV. This was astonishing to me because I was actually enjoying a movie in its full cinematic glory, albeit with commercial breaks and content warnings, on TV! Also granted it was extremely late at night, maybe even early morning, so the presence of impressionable ears was minimal.
Then comes the Nadia scene, and I wasn’t really surprised to see that her ladybits were blurred out, but I started thinking about it later. They were able to use the full range of verbal profanity, but they could not show breasts. Because that’s what would cause the moral decay of our society? So, my elation was brief, and my support of Comedy Central as some kind of late night rogue vanished overnight. Instead, maybe they’re up for Hypocrite of the Year, masquerading as edgy but still at the mercy of their Standards & Practices department.
I’m not against censors as a whole. They keep kids’ things kid-friendly. But when they draw a line between an f-bomb and a nipple, and say, “Beyond this point, chaos,” they must be mocked.
And now a personal anecdote. I’m taking a few classes at Lake Washington Tech this fall quarter in order to brush up on my marketability and also to see if I might have any aptitude for the more technical side of game development. To that end, I’m taking a class called Character Study which is all about 3D character animation. Makes sense, right? Maybe not, but the instructor knows what he’s talking about AND he’s enthusiastic. Literally bounces around sometimes. That might sound quaint when you’re learning about statistics or Meso-American history, but it’s positively necessary for learning animation.
So we just learned about breaking down the simple movement of walking, and after explaining the major poses, he left the rest up to us. “Make it look as natural as possible,” he said. I was having trouble sitting in my chair at the computer and envisioning a walk, so I decided to take my study to the field. Luckily, there’s a nice long walkway just outside of the classroom; long enough to practice wind sprints if recreational running is your thing. So, to get my head wrapped around it, I just started walking and paying attention to the movements I was making. I wasn’t looking at my feet, more straight ahead with a concentrated sort of thousand-yard-stare to my focus. I was concentrating on every movement I was making and talking myself through it. “Knee bends, ankle bends, toes hang back, hip lifts. Wait, hip lifts or dips with the bent leg? No, that doesn’t feel right. Maybe push off the opposite foot a little more.” My walk was too subtle, so I exaggerated it more to bring out the movements. “Lifted leg swings out, then back in. Left hip up, right hip down, leg straight, toes bent, come down hard, but now my arms are swinging weird.”
Then I had to stop. Someone was standing directly in front of me, having gone completely unnoticed because of my intense introspection, and from the way he was looking at me I could tell he’d been watching for a good couple of minutes. His expression was gentle but wary as he said, “Are you feeling alright?” I can only assume I looked very much like a lost lobotomy patient walking strangely and mumbling to myself. Fortunately, as an artist I’ve gotten used to that kind of reaction from people. So, without missing a beat, I gave him my biggest grin, said, “I’m just super,” turned on my heel, pinwheeled my arms, and skipped back to the classroom, taking careful note of my movements along the way. Embarrassment only gets in the way when you’re an artist.
I’m also taking Zbrush, a 3D computer sculpting program and it’s taught by a Coug, so you know it’s good. It’s amazing because, unlike Maya where you start with polygons and then add a textured skin to make it look real, Zbrush starts with the skin. So someone like me who’s forgotten most of what he learned about edge-loops and unwrapping can create this:
The great thing about sculpting is it’s perfect for refreshing what you know or just plain learning about human musculature. Just ignore the hands. They were…..grumpy.
3D Materials and Methods, which is a fancy way of saying “texture painting.” Whenever you’re playing GTA IV and your car is skidding on its roof across weathered black-top, or when you’re sniping from atop a stone promontory in Halo Reach, those surfaces you casually ignore are textures. Someone either drew it, photographed it, or created it with a convoluted series of Photoshop filters, then made it tile-able so that it could cover huge surfaces without actually looking like a repeating pattern. Sound fun? It IS! *twitch*
So, you’re all caught up.
The site is updated and pretty.
And, oh yeah, there’s a new comic for you.
Comments Off on American Pie in the Face
Poor Jack. His ass is going to jail and someone whipped his fleshy couch cushion until it had more red stripes than an American flag. Actually, that sounds more like a stunt you’d see in Jackass 3D (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Ten years into the Jackass franchise, it’s obvious the well is starting to run dry. Then again, if you show Johnny Knoxville an empty well, he’ll jump in headfirst. After packing it with writhing snakes.” Elizabeth Weitzman New York Daily News
Are people already making stunt suggestions for Jackass 4? If so, I would like to see the entire cast streak the President for our entertainment rather than a million dollars.
“Most of us think of a penis as having two purposes. But as we learn in Jackass 3D, this is a narrow view.” Kurt Loder Reason Online
Oh sure, guys can use their wangs as ineffective coat hangers or for gesturing at the audience in 3D.
“A joyous, liberated approach to comedy, a genuine sense of the grotesque and pacing so relentless that even the less-than-uproarious bits don’t overstay their welcome.” Variety Justin Chang
A genuine sense of the grotesque will be welcomed at the end of the month.
Does Lady Gaga have to dress normal on Halloween?
The previous movies feature all kinds of disgusting and grotesque things that shouldn’t be in front of a camera, let alone in my lap. That includes Steve-O.
“Knoxville and his boys seem to be saying goodbye. To which I can’t help thinking, fondly, it’s time.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers
And when it’s our time, we should close our eyes and greet the sweet Hereafter (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“There is plenty of excitement and pulse in Hereafter, as well as a reluctance to provide easy answers to life’s great mysteries. I’m happy to see a great director take on the challenge of new and different material with his customary grace and impressive two-fisted technique intact.” New York Observer Rex Reed
Since most directors have full use of both their hands, I’m left to wonder if a two-fisted technique involves boxing the actors or directing with a beer both hands.
“Just because a film takes place entirely in the long shadow of death doesn’t mean it has to be this relentlessly dour.” The Onion A.V. Club Nathan Rabin
You’d prefer this meditation on death to play out like an Irish wake?
“The only thing more disconcerting than seeing an action-disaster sequence open a Clint Eastwood drama is watching the 80-year-old auteur channel M. Night Shyamalan.” Joe Neumaier New York Daily News
If that’s true, Clint needs to change the channel.
“A trio of thinly-drawn narratives that combine into one triply disappointing mega-“meh”, it doesn’t so much ask questions about the afterlife as threaten to.” Brian Juergens CampBlood.org
Behold the threatening power of mega-meh!
“The movie will divide some Eastwood fans, conquer others. The naysayers will be grateful that, from this healthy, workaholic actor-director, there is always the promise of a good movie — if not here, then hereafter.” Richard Corliss TIME Magazine
If you’re going to promise his next movie will be better, you should include a free pass. Anything less and disgruntled audiences might start to see Red (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“Give me Helen Mirren with a semi-automatic weapon and Morgan Freeman smiling, “We’re getting the band back together,” and I will happily settle back and enjoy the popcorn.” Nell Minow Beliefnet
Those two things sound appealing, but they can’t sustain a 2-hour movie.
“What it lacks in originality, it makes up for in Helen Mirren with a gun, which should be a requirement of all movies from now on.” David Medsker Bullz-Eye.com
Nevermind. Apparently classy British women with guns are as essential for films as plot, characters, and a projector.
“RED positively dares you not to have a good time.” Graham Killeen Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Is there such thing as negative daring?
“Red isn’t a great movie, but it’s great fun, and if that sounds like damning with faint praise, you take things too seriously.” Bill Goodykoontz Arizona Republic
Damn.
“RED stands for “Retired, Extremely Dangerous,” though “Reasonably Entertaining Diversion” works too.” Michael Phillips Chicago Tribune
While it could also have been labeled a Respectfully Enchanting Distraction, our next film deals with the Really Egregious Detention that follows a criminal Conviction (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
“The ever-magnetic Sam Rockwell is Kenny, Minnie Driver is full of beans as Betty Anne’s best friend, Melissa Leo is wicked good as an ornery cop, and, in her two chewy scenes, Juliette Lewis reminds fans why we want her to run free forever.” Entertainment Weekly Lisa Schwarzbaum
It’s an actor’s showcase where some actors are magnets, and others are wicked or hippies. However you left out the swanky lead.
“When she lands the right part, Swank delivers with as much conviction as anyone working in Hollywood today.” David Germain Associated Press
It’s impressive when the movie title and a descriptive compliment are the same. I’m surprised no one said that about Jackass.
“There are times when clichés can be comforting and even profound in their familiarity, and then there are times when they’re just, well, clichés. Conviction largely traffics in the latter.” Noel Murray AV Club
The pro-cliche argument is: It may be a cliche, but it’s always new for somebody.
“Ultimately, though, it’s a little schizo, like a depressed dude in a clown suit, or a Theodore Dreiser novel hopped up on not enough happy pills.” Salon.com Andrew O’Hehir
Speaking of convictions, does someone want to detain the schizophrenic clown whose hunting for pills?
“Just because some truth is stranger than fiction doesn’t necessarily make it better than fiction, more compelling or more dramatic or even more convincing than fiction.” Rick Groen Globe and Mail
King Sheep wonders if most truth is fiction
