King Sheep Productions

Unassuming amusement
  • Home
  • Comics
    • Coming Distractions
    • Simon Archive
  • Galleries
    • Art of Nate Taylor
  • About
  • Store

Preview Predictions

by Major Sheep on January 14, 2010 at 7:13 am
Posted In: Blog, Uncategorized

I saw a movie in the theater last weekend, and if you’re experiencing the same kind of economic prohibition that I am then you’ll appreciate what a glorious treat that was.  The flick I saw was Sherlock Holmes, a feast of fisticuffs with delectable displays of deduction for dessert.  If you’ve already seen it, then you don’t need me to tell you how it was.  If you haven’t seen it, then I’ll simply say that you should.  If you have no desire whatsoever to see  it, then close this browser window and go back to your NASCAR and Hamm’s.

Now the main event, Preview Predictions, where I, inspired to Holmesian Heights of deductive reasoning, will make forecasts of films using only their theatrical trailers.  The previews I saw before Holmes (in order of appearance):

Wolfman – While the title leaves little mystery as to the theme of the movie, the trailer uses a disjointed assemblage of action scenes and transformation close-ups to distract you from the fact that no plot is revealed.  However, I observed enough clues to know this:  Anthony Hopkins’ son gets a strange bite and grows up to be Benicio del Toro who transforms into the title character once every lunar cycle.  His favorite pastimes include slaughtering innocents, terrorizing the opera, and being shot by Hugo Weaving.  The film will do marginally well at the box office, prove to be too subtle for vapid New Moon fans, and grow old enjoying a cult status alongside Hopkins’ last foray into the occult, Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

Hot Tub Time Machine – With a title too ridiculous to be anything but a comedy, this will be a mash-up of Peggy Sue Got Married and Dude, Where’s My Car? No need to forecast the plot since it’s all in the trailer, but I do predict a mega-dose of life lessons for the main characters as they try to change their pasts only to realize that their lives aren’t so bad.  It’ll start like a stand-up act at the Sahara and end like an after school special.  Limited theater run, but a big hit on DVD as the college crowd unleashes its potential for drinking games.

Bounty Hunter – When this hits theaters, expect to see phrases like “Romantic comedy hit of the spring!”  Star power alone will push it up in the box office ranks, but it’ll lose momentum when folks see that the film holds back when it should pay off.  The danger will fall flat and the animosity between the two lead characters will turn out to be only skin deep.  In the end, it’ll be It Happened One Night with an action/intrigue façade.

Sorcerer’s Apprentice – With a disturbingly unbalanced Mickey Mouse to Nick Cage’s hair length ratio, this urban fantasy romp will attempt to use the established fan base of Harry Potter and the momentum of spring’s The Lightning Thief to really take off.  Alas, there will be no genre-bending plot twists or original character arcs, just a heaping helping of cool visuals and moments of magic in the modern world.  Nothing as cool as Lightning Thief but cool enough to put it at least a peg above The Seeker: the Dark is Rising.

And for my last premonition,  I foresee this next Weekend Roundup to be a fountain of hilarity which will spark your interest, captivate your mind, and entrance your soul.

I will leave you with today’s Funny Bumper Sticker:  “Militant Agnostic – I don’t know, and neither do you.”

└ Tags: Bounty Hunter, Hot Tub Time Machine, movies, Preview Predictions, Sherlock Holmes, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Wolfman
1 Comment

01/11/2010

by Major Sheep on January 11, 2010 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic
Comments Off on 01/11/2010

Leaping Youth Breaks Day, Year Revolts

by King Sheep on January 8, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

That title has a surprisingly grim New Year ring to it, as if baby-2010 snapped January 1st’s spine with a Tony Jaa elbow attack and scared old-man-2009 away.  That slightly morose image was meant to be consistent with this weekend’s films, given that they deal with angry (and mildly schizophrenic) teens, corporate vampires, and a woman who’s frustrated she’s not a fiancee.  These must be the kind of movies we get when the holiday cheer tank is down to fumes.  That being said, there are also a lot of familiar elements to this week’s releases that tie back to some classic film/television concepts.
For example, Youth In Revolt (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) tells the story of a young man who’s desire to rebel manifests as a devious and mustache-clad alter ego.  If you’ve experienced popular culture from the 70’s/80’s you know that adding facial hair is a common sign that a character has ‘gone dark’ or is an evil twin.  Are there any other classic elements being incorporated/updated here?

“Has a strong Dickensian flavor, blending slapstick with social satire…You’ll laugh at Cera’s off-rhythm delivery and casual sharpness wrapped in the softest possible tones.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

Those Facebooking kids of today love their Dickens – It was the best of posts, it was the worst of posts.

"If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers." -Charles Dickens

“Timing is everything. And Youth in Revolt is late — arriving not just at the tail end of the star’s sell-by date for this particular kind of character, but more importantly at the tail end of the intended audience’s attention span for an inconsequential Sundance-y tale of sexual coming-of-age.” Entertainment Weekly Lisa Schwarzbaum

Okay, but hold on.  Does this mean that watching the movie later (say, on DVD) will make it better because Sundance will have faded from memory?  Sometimes when you’re late, you’re really just early for something else, like going to the theater and missing one showing, but having another one start soon.  Or is it late in the gets-worse way – like with spoiled milk?

“From the beginning, it’s apparent that there’s something “off” about Youth in Revolt. It’s not that the film is fatally flawed, but the tone is uneven, the satire is blunt, the comedy rarely generates more than feeble laughs, and the lead character never comes fully to life.” ReelViews James Berardinelli

Is there something off about him because he has a mustache, or does having a mustache mean there's something off about him?

“Cera can be winning enough, with his flat-toned goofiness, in films like “Superbad,” but there’s only just enough of the guy to fill out one dramatis persona; two at once prove to be beyond him.” The New Yorker Anthony Lane

““Punk” and “rebel” don’t belong in the same sentence with “Michael Cera.” But somehow, they connect in the few-holds-barred teen comedy Youth in Revolt.”  Roger Moore Orlando Sentinel

The more I read, the more it sounds like Michael Cera is the film’s X-factor.  However, the film is based on three books and the premise is something that gets explored in every generation (From Rebel James Dean to Cry Baby Johnny Depp).  Is this the Millennial’s film about youth against authority?

“This red state versus blue state daringly offbeat chucklefest elevates that notorious dumb and dumber genre known as teen comedy, into fresh and verbally tangy territory. Enough so, to easily earn this movie informal bragging rights as Juno II.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

I think our next movie has informal bragging rights as this month’s The Ugly Truth or this year’s PS I Love You: Leap Year (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  Adams plays a woman who follows her boyfriend to Ireland to propose, but ends up traveling across the country with an irritating, but sexy, Irishman instead.

“There’s no emotional undercurrent, just saccharine sentiment shared by two unlikable characters; one a clichéd Irish Paddy-O-Everythingsfineafterapint, the other a clichéd American boob.” Brian Orndorf BrianOrndorf.com

Okay, that’s the downside, is there an up?

“This is a full-bore, PG-rated, sweet rom-com. It sticks to the track, makes all the scheduled stops and bears us triumphantly to the station. And it is populated by colorful characters, but then, when was the last time you saw a boring Irishman in a movie?” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

Colorful? Check. Facial Hair? Check. Boring Irishman? Notsomuch.

“This film is unquestionably the most unromantic and downright despairing romcom since “Made of Honor” or, possibly, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”” Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

“Leap Year belongs to the Prada backlash subgenre of women’s pictures–epitomized by “The Proposal”–in which smart, stylish women must be muddied, abased, ridiculed, and degraded in order to get their man.” Village Voice Brian Miller

It sounds like a romantic comedy that deserves the ire of women.  It’s like the opposite of a good idea.

Another opposite of a good idea: Evil doughboy choosing a lair made of fire

“Leap Year is like most relationships: You keep waiting for it to get better, until you finally accept that it won’t.” Ed Gonzalez Slant Magazine

Let’s pump the brakes on the despair mobile, at least it has a cute and talented lead in Amy Adams.

“This isn’t Amy Adams totally jumping the shark, but it’s at least hopping a jellyfish.” Matt Pais Metromix.com

I would have thought leaping over a Leprechaun would have been more Irish-appropriate, but it doesn’t matter.  Our final movie tries to vault vampire cliches: Daybreakers (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) by supposing that if vampires really existed, they would bite everyone and take over the world, making humans into fugitive feasts.

“Daybreakers is more serious, from its A-list cast to its political commentary, with blood as a metaphor for oil. Like the best genre films, it has something on its mind.” Charlotte Observer Lawrence Toppman

Since that quote is missing context, I will assume that this movie is more serious than a heart attack; or at least a heart attack brought on by the stress of a vampire eating you.

“The pacing misses a few beats and the satire never pops, but “Daybreakers” comes as a welcome retort to the vampire bubblegum genre that horror fans have had to tolerate.” Cole Smithey Daily Radar

Vampire bubblegum?  If there was one cause all vampires would support, it should be promoting healthy teeth.  You’d think a vampire society would outlaw vampire bubblegum until someone invents Nosferatu Nutrasweet.

Cavities? She said her love was sugar-free!

“The script doesn’t wring many surprises or much character involvement from the premise, and the brothers’ helming, while slick, is short on scares, action setpieces and humor.” Variety Dennis Harvey

That’s okay, the Twilight movies don’t have any of those things either and they’ve made over half-a-billion-bucks.

“Daybreakers, despite the star presence of Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe, is a B movie, with all the disreputable low rent, lowbrow pleasures that implies. I’ll take that over pompous any day.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

Why do unchallenging action movies earn B’s while pompous flicks tend to get higher grades?  Never mind, that’s probably not a question that gets answered during Oscar season.

“In the end, Daybreakers doesn’t really want to make anyone think too hard. If that were to happen, they might stop to wonder why all the human survivors out there hiding in fear of their lives don’t just become garlic farmers and call it a day.” Washington Post Michael O’Sullivan

PDJ would rather be a stake-oil salesmen

└ Tags: Daybreakers, evil twin, Goatee, Leap Year, Michael Cera, movie poster, Youth In Revolt
3 Comments

The weekend that Hollywood forgot

by King Sheep on January 1, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

For the last few weeks the multiplexes have been bursting with the money-makers and the award-coveters that normally populate the holidays, however the release schedule for first official weekend of the new decade is emptier than the space beneath people’s Christmas trees.  Sure, there are a pair of historical dramas available in art houses, but other than that, your film choices are the same as last year. It’s leftovers and football to kick off the decade.

First up, a black and white film about a village in Germany caught up in the turmoil surrounding World War uppercase I: The White Ribbon (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Haneke’s latest is essentially an inquiry into the roots of a certain kind of evil.” The Onion (A.V. Club) Keith Phipps

Are we talking about hangovers?

“The White Ribbon is one of the finest films that ever repelled me, a holiday in the abyss.” New York Post Kyle Smith

I holidayed in the abyss as well, but my trip wasn't repulsive.

“Chill to the core, Haneke presents human cruelty not to make us empathize with the victims or understand the oppressors but to rub our noses in the crimes of our species. He thinks he’s held on to the subversive ideals of punk, but all I smell is skunk.” New York Magazine David Edelstein

If the movie desires to rub our noses in the worst crimes of our species, I’m glad they stink.   However, I’m not sure I could tell difference between skunk and an unshowered punk band.

“This haunting film never pushes itself on you. It trusts you to suss out the horror that lies beneath the veneer of innocence. You’ll be knocked for a loop…Don’t let anyone tell you too much about this spellbinder from Austrian writer-director Michael Haneke.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

While I’m tempted to end there, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see this movie so I can’t help but peek behind the spoiler curtain.  What’s the end result?

“The message of this disturbing, nihilistic film is that we’re all Nazis at heart.” Toby Young Times [UK]

And suddenly I need another beer.  Hopefully our second historical film isn’t quite as bleak: Loss of a Teardrop Diamond (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

Based on a previously unproduced screenplay from Tennessee Williams, the film follows a Southern heiress in 1920’s Memphis as she struggles with dating in high society and, if the title is to be trusted, jewel thieves.

“The story is a sketchy, dramatically muddled rumination on familiar Williams themes about the Old South and its brave, beautiful, rebellion women always on the brink of love, suicide or madness.” The Hollywood Reporter Kirk Honeycutt

I take it back, it sounds like Tennessee’s women need a beer even more.

“With an ending as lovely as her attractive leads, Loss of a Teardrop Diamond is a Golden Age Hollywood-inspired nostalgia trip, but one worth taking.” Steve Ramos Boxoffice Magazine

I can think of plenty of movies where I wish the ending were as attractive as the leads.

Exhibit A

“It’s not just that director Jodie Markell is no Kazan (though really, who is?) or that the dreary, dully handsome Chris Evans — even playing a blank-slate beau hunk seems beyond his capabilities — is the anti-Dean.” David Fear Time Out New York

Is there anything more anti-Dean than this?

“If Markell’s instincts for script exhumation are questionable, she’s the victim of even worse timing: Who thought releasing her film 10 days after Liv Ullmann and Cate Blanchett’s praised-to-the-high-heavens “A Streetcar Named Desire” closed was a good idea?” Village Voice Melissa Anderson

Probably someone who doesn’t live in the big apple.  Seriously, do some New York reviewers know there is a world outside Manhattan?

“A Southern melodrama from an unproduced screenplay by Tennessee Williams that should have stayed unproduced.” Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Spirituality and Practice

PDJ should have left a few of last night's beer undrunk.

└ Tags: James Dean, Loss of a Teardrop Diamond, movie posters, The Departed, The White Ribbon
2 Comments

01/01/2010

by Major Sheep on January 1, 2010 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic
Comments Off on 01/01/2010
  • Page 54 of 109
  • « First
  • «
  • 52
  • 53
  • 54
  • 55
  • 56
  • »
  • Last »

Archives

DCMA Agent:

Dean A. Craine, P.S.  9 Lake Bellevue Drive, Ste. 209, Bellevue, WA  98005 (USA).  Telephone Number: (425) 637-3035; Email:  info@ nwpatents.com

©2007-2017 King Sheep Productions | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑