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Frog Unconquers Princess’s Bones

by King Sheep on December 10, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

A historical tale of athleticism and heroism, a bestselling book adaptation, and old-school Disney animation with new school racial awareness populate the theaters this week.  Unlike last week’s meager holiday offerings, Hollywood appears to have raised its game to match the expectations of the season.  And speaking of games, our first movie is the story of how a rugby player helped save South Africa – Invictus (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  You might be wondering why Invictus isn’t in the title of this roundup.  Well, Invictus is latin for unconquered and while I was briefly tempted to translate the headline from English into Latin, it came out as Frog procer diligo invictus bones, which sounded just enough like Engilsh to confuse people and not enough like Latin to make me sound smart.  So, time-traveling Romans be damned, let’s get started.

“Damon, beefed up for the occasion, makes Pienaar a stalwart yet courtly figure. Freeman infuses Mandela’s speeches with the same gentleness and gravity he’s brought to his numerous God roles and the Visa Olympics commercials. But the real deity here is Eastwood, still chugging away handsomely in his 80th year.” Time Richard Corliss

Go on, make God's day.

“Who’d have thought that old Dirty Harry would, with Letters from Iwo Jima and Invictus, become America’s prime director of international trauma and triumph?” Richard Corliss TIME Magazine

Before we get to that question, can we address why America gets to be storyteller for world history?

“The wonder of Invictus is that it actually went down this way.” Newsweek David Ansen

Well, at least it’s accurate.

“Like every Eastwood production, Invictus is stately, handsomely mounted, attentive to detail right down to the Marmite adorning the team’s breakfast buffet, and relentlessly conventional. As a portrait of a hero, the movie effortlessly brings a lump to the throat (Freeman gives a subtly crafted performance that blends Mandela’s physical frailty with his easy charm and cerebral wit); as history, it is borderline daft and selective to the point of distortion.” Village Voice Ella Taylor

Ah, distorted truth.  Colbert would be proud.

Colbert is to Truthiness what this illustration is to photography

“This year’s contender for most mediocre Best Picture nominee.” Matt Pais Metromix.com

Three cheers for Invictus!  Hip hip, horray!  Hip hip, well you get the idea.  Next up Peter Jackson switches from Tolkien to Alice Sebold for the adaptation of The Lovely Bones (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

Given that it’s a complex story about grief and life after death from a director made famous for fantasy, there seem to be a fair number of questions about this movie.  For example:

“How do you literalize heaven? It’s a problem moviemakers have struggled with forever, and Jackson hasn’t solved it.” Newsweek David Ansen

My first guess would be CGI or something like this. Next question?

“When else has the obscenity of child murder been the cause of such gravity and grace?” Time Richard Corliss

I don’t know, but I do know there are no chuckles when it comes to child murder unless we’re talking about the Omen.

He just got done playing "Need It, Got it" with people's souls

Perhaps the more pressing question should be: How did the movie do on the book adaptation front?

“Like “The Lord Of The Rings,” The Lovely Bones does a fantastic job with revered, complex source material. As terrific on terra firma as it is audacious in its astral plane, it is doubtful we’ll see a more imaginative, courageous film in 2010.” Empire Ian Freer

“Jackson and his team tell a fundamentally different story. It’s one that is not without its tension, humor and compelling details. But it’s also a simpler, more button-pushing tale that misses the joy and heartbreak of the original.” The Hollywood Reporter Kirk Honeycutt

The disagreements over this movie are reflected in their critical scores.  Perhaps the final question should be, did it have too much of one thing and not enough of another?

“It’s a movie that tips toward overkill–even Ronan’s voice is amplified into a weird whisper. More quiet would have helped.” Time Out New York Joshua Rothkopf

It’s not a good sign when critics want the movie to shut up.  But only haters would say that about our last movie: The Princess and the Frog (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  Also, they don’t make muzzles small enough for singing frogs.

“Disney’s triumphant return to hand-drawn 2-D animation still holds an awful lot of familiar, comfort-food charm.” The Onion (A.V. Club) Tasha Robinson

“In an amazing year for animation, The Princess and the Frog is up at the top. Go on, give it a big kiss.” Time Richard Corliss

"Go on. Kiss it."

“Eye-candy–wise, the film plants a big wet smooch; everything else about this happily-ever-after tale, however, feels like a mere air-kiss.”  David Fear Time Out New York

Whew.  But what about the race aspect?  Isn’t this movie supposed to be an ‘about time’ step for Disney?

“The Princess and the Frog is not offensive. This is a harmless, animated musical and as close to getting it socially right as Disney will ever get — too bad it’s about 40 years late.” Clay Cane BET.com

“You know how they say that cops come in only one color, blue? Well, Disney princesses come in only one color: pink.” MaryAnn Johanson Flick Filosopher

Hey! We resemble that remark.

“While Disney seems to be trying to counter some of its pervasive princess ideology, The Princess and the Frog is still showing women who can’t get by without men.” Annie Young Frisbie Christianity Today

I’m glad that Christianity Today is requesting more powerful female role models. I look forward to Disney tackling a musical version of Joan of Arc or the Salem Witch Trials.

“Where Pinocchio was about wishing on a star, The Princess and the Frog emphasizes backing up wishes with hard work. That proviso is a thoughtful message for young moviegoers.” Claudia Puig USA Today

PDJ wishes someone would do his hard work

└ Tags: Clint Eastwood, Disney, Invictus, Stephen Colbert, The Lovely Bones, The Princess and the Frog
3 Comments

Of a Princess and a Teddy Bear

by Major Sheep on December 9, 2009 at 12:08 am
Posted In: Uncategorized

Several years ago, when Pat Rothfuss was my neighbor, he told our group of friends about a bedtime story he had told his girlfriend the night before. It started out as the kind of story that you tell to a drowsy six-year-old who’s afraid of the dark, all about a Princess in a marzipan castle. But by the time he got to the end, it was nothing like the beginning. As he says, the ending “had teeth.”

As a result, I was afraid to let my legs dangle over the edge of my bed for a week.

But I was so captured by the brilliant telling of the tale, that I started conceptual sketches almost immediately. That was the beginning of a long road that has finally lead to now. Yesterday, it was announced on the main website of Subterranean Press that “The Adventures of the Princess and Mr. Whiffle: the Thing Beneath the Bed” is now available for pre-order.

Not only is it available, but it is quickly becoming UNavailable. The limited edition prints are already sold out due in large part to Pat’s Legion of Fanatical Minions, and the trade prints are running out quickly. So, if you like good old-fashioned fairy tales, or if you’d like to support me and my very first fully-illustrated book, please head on over and order a copy.  It will go a long way towards making sure I produce more fully-illustrated books.

I wish I could form sentences of just how excited I am by all of this, but all I know are words and not much of the flowery and rhythmic ways of puting them together.  So, some choice words to describe my mood would be elated, ecstatic, over-joyed, boisterous, animated, pumped, rarin’, and superkalafragelistic. 

Thanks to everyone, and more to come as events warrant.

PS – You can see Pat’s blog on this and the cover of the book here.

4 Comments

12/07/2009

by Major Sheep on December 7, 2009 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic
Comments Off on 12/07/2009

Brothers Up In Everybody's Armor

by King Sheep on December 4, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Posted In: Blog, humor, movie reviews, updates

With Thanksgiving behind and Christmas/New Year ahead, we’re in the middle of the holiday season gauntlet, but there are no holidays this week. And Hollywood followed the calendar’s example and released a collection of movies that don’t deserve much celebration.  However, our first movie takes place during the holidays, which almost counts so long as Everybody’s Fine (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Robert De Niro is the ‘Everydad’ in this sad and thoughtful family holiday film that will make you call your own father to tell him you love him”  Chris Cox Hollywood.com

AFK.

“The gag-inducing melodrama “Everybody’s Fine” hails from Kirk Jones, whose phone calls, kisses and hugs no longer will be returned the moment this baby hits theaters.” Christopher Smith Bangor Daily News (Maine)

I wouldn’t worry about him.  He’s fine, right?

“Some might say poetic. Some might say, “oh please.”” Joanna Langfield The Movie Minute

Some might say “oh please”
If you got down on your knees,
But it can be harder to write a poem that rhymes,
If you’re stuck at work and don’t have the time.

“In his career-debasement race against Al Pacino, must Robert De Niro inflict a moribund genre botch like Everybody’s Fine on the public just in time to grinch us up for Christmas?” Bill Weber Slant Magazine

I sometimes wish that movies ran smear ads (like candidates do near elections) against other movies, just so I could hear the commercial voice over call this movie “a moribund genre botch.”

“It’s all so much raging bull.” Robert Wilonsky Village Voice

Don’t put too much Heat on DeNiro, he’s a Goodfella, not some Casino Taxi Driver Focker.  Hopefully critics won’t be so Intolerable of the Out Of Sight King of Up In The Air (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  At least the title answers the question of Where Art Thou?

“Clooney — slim, dark, perfectly tailored — glamorizes insincerity in a way that makes you want to go out and lie.” David Edelstein New York Magazine

All right.  My movie-title seque was clever, smart, and not forced in any way.

“Up in the Air goes down like a sedative. This is a movie that’s easy to like–and to dislike as well.” Village Voice J. Hoberman

“Nobody gets offended, nothing gets questioned, the crowd goes home properly cheered.” Fernando F. Croce Slant Magazine

I look forward to feeling properly sedated.

“Only seriously deluded people could enjoy Reitman’s funny-sad whiplash. He’s playing that same Hollywood game: keeping people ignorant of political economy.” Armond White New York Press

I don’t think Hollywood can change until more than fifty percent of moviemakers understand what you’re talking about.

“It deserves it and should stand up as one of 2009’s best pictures” Pete Hammond Boxoffice Magazine

“Does it live up to the hype? Hell yeah!” Chris Bumbray JoBlo’s Movie Emporium

Speaking of hype, I need a minute on the soapbox to call out our last two movies: Armored (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) and Brothers (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  Both films have strong casts, one word titles, and might be fine movies, but they committed the same promotional sin – spoiler trailers.  You know how some movies have teasers that don’t tell you much about the movie, but still make you want to see it?  Well, these movies go the other way and condense their films into a three-minute summaries.  So, as my Christmas present to all readers of these roundups, I will now save you twenty dollars in movie tickets.  Enjoy.

“Inspired by Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs and countless films about seemingly perfect heists that go uproariously wrong, Armored is an unpretentious, fast-moving, action-packed thriller that delivers its generic goods unapologetically.” Emanuel Levy EmanuelLevy.Com

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEV7bTWpG8w]

“This intense story of family conflict is powerful and gripping, an absolutely mesmerizing motion picture experience.” Pete Hammond Boxoffice Magazine

“Feels contrived,rather than organic. It’s like a cynical attempt to make movie version of a downbeat Bruce Springsteen song.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLlpabVRnyc]

PDJ should really get started on his Christmas shopping

└ Tags: Armored, Brothers, Everybody's Fine, movie posters, Up In The Air
2 Comments

12/01/2009

by Major Sheep on December 1, 2009 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic
Comments Off on 12/01/2009
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