Sickness inspires brevity

by on August 22, 2009 at 12:24 am
Posted In: humor, movie reviews, updates

I’m not feeling my best today, so this week’s roundup will depend on two kinds of reviews: ones that express delight and disgust with their respective movies through colorful language and detailed explanation and those that don’t.  Given my ill feelings, I’ll be sticking with the latter tone for my commentary.
post_gradFirst up, a look at life after college for a perfect student who learns that life is imperfect in Post Grad (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Post Grad is a Devil Wears Prada without the devil, a Reality Bites without any bite — and not much reality, either.” Roger Moore Orlando Sentinel

So, it’s Post Grad Wears Prada?

“Post Grad deserves a failing grade.” Greg Quill Toronto Star

But there aren’t any grades after college…

“Sweet but instantly forgettable; a fantasy version of post-college life carefully structured to offend no one — and intrigue no one.” Moira MacDonald Seattle Times

Is the lack of intrigue offensive?  Nevermind, I choose to instantly forget.  Next up, short attention span audiences are given mini-stories about a wishing rock in Shorts (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
Shorts Poster
“Magic vies with technology in this exuberant adventure comedy, which unfolds achronologically in a series of zany, effects-laden vignettes.” Andrea Gronvall Chicago Reader

Excuse me while I look up achronologically.

“The movie is as lumpy and misshapen as a giant booger.” New York Post Kyle Smith

Uh…gesundheit?

“Rodriguez should have turned to Tarantino for a few pointers on non-linear narrative.” Tom Meek Boston Phoenix

Thanks for the segue assist into Inglourious Bastards (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).
brad-pitt_Inglourious-Bastards
“Quentin Tarantino does it again. Again.” Kurt Loder MTV

You said that already.  Already.

“For all its stylistic flourishes and interlocking storylines, Inglourious Basterds is, at its bullet-riddled core, a bloody good war movie, twisting and twisted and full of wordy shrapnel but no less kickass for it.” Marc Savlov Austin Chronicle

Word shrapnel comes from grammar grenades and talk torpedoes.

“Christoph Waltz matches Lecter, Vadar, and the Wicked Witch of the West with a performance that shows off his fluency in English, German, French, Italian…and evil.” Nell Minow Beliefnet

Will the evil be subtitled?

“Gutsy, pleasurable and very satisfying. Packaged together by the amazing Quentin Tarantino, this film will slap you in the face and say: “Damn good, what a way to end the summer!”” Jolene Mendez Entertainment Spectrum

PDJ hopes that was a damn good way to end the roundup.

PDJ hopes that was a damn good way to end the roundup.

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A little something for everyone

by on August 15, 2009 at 12:20 am
Posted In: humor, movie reviews, updates

Looking at this week’s roster of opening movies, you can see the careful planning that Hollywood put into servicing every audience taste. Similar to the buffet of options from last weekend, this weekend hits on nearly every genre.  There is a romance story told through a lens of science fiction, based on a bestselling book: The Time Traveler’s Wife (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  An environmentally conscious animated foreign film from Walt Disney’s Japanese mirror: Ponyo (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  The resident raunchy comedy from someone involved with Talladega Nights: The Goods (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  There’s even a tween band movie from the Disney stable of musical talent: Bandslam (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic). Lastly, a documentary-style science fiction action movie that had critics clapping: District 9 (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  Can you think of any genres that were ignored?
official-bandslam-poster-01The opening act does better than a non-HSM fan would assume, but chances are you already know if you’re going to see this movie.

“Had Cameron Crowe and the late John Hughes collaborated on a movie populated by Disney Channel superstars, the result might have looked and sounded a lot like Todd Graff’s Bandslam. And that’s meant as a compliment.” The Hollywood Reporter Michael Rechtshaffen

No kidding, especially because America spent the last week reminiscing over their favorite John Hughes moments.  Comparing modern artists to recently-promoted legends looks dodgy.  It’d be like proclaiming JT the ‘Next King-of-Pop” because he reminds us of MJ.  The problem is, it looks like you’re trying to fill a vacancy.

“The movie is too sophisticated in its first hour for preteens, and much too tragically unhip in its second hour for the older teenage audience that might appreciate its pithier wisecracks.” Christopher Tookey Daily Mail [UK]

Putting ‘unhip’ and ‘sophisticated’ on opposite ends of the quality spectrum implies that the hipper your film becomes, the more crass it needs to be.  That logic sounds bassackwards, but this week’s crassiest movie probably doesn’t mind.
goods_live_hard_sell_hard_xlg“A raunchy, fast-paced comedy that, nevertheless, is as flat as the tires on the old Volvo gathering dust in my garage.” The Globe and Mail (Toronto) Jennie Punter

We should be thankful that the imagery invoked by most reviewers doesn’t swerve into the gross-out comedy it discusses.

“In many places it’s genuinely, absurdly funny–crass, sleazy and morally questionable, yes, but still funny.” Portland Oregonian Stan Hall

Sounds unsophisticatedly hip.  Unlike the hippest movie out this week, the action-documentary that touches on issues of Apartheid while blowing lots of shit up.
district9_poster-689x1024“Attention all geeks (and geeks at heart): Get ready for two hours of serious awesome.” Miami Herald Rene Rodriguez

“This baby has the stuff to end the movie summer on a note of dazzle and distinction.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

“Grabs you by the eyeballs from the very first frame.” ReelViews James Berardinelli

With all that critical love, it falls to America’s angriest critic to level expectations.

“District 9 represents the sloppiest and dopiest pop cinema — the kind that comes from a second-rate film culture.” Armond White New York Press

However if you’re looking for science fiction with more kissing than chases scenes, you’re probably going to see the adaptation of The Time Traveler’s Wife.
AM:TP final“The book is richer, but this is a solid, endearing telling of the same essential story, and is well worth the price of admission for those who appreciate romantic fantasy.” ReelViews James Berardinelli

Will I be disappointed if I’m not a real appreciator of romantic fantasy?

“It would really help to get into the right frame of mind before seeing The Time Traveler’s Wife, because viewed from some angles – maybe most angles – the movie is ridiculous.” San Francisco Chronicle Mick LaSalle

I can deal with ridiculous love.

“It might be a solid hook if we thought their love was grand. Instead, it’s kind of creepy.” Baltimore Sun Michael Sragow

Creepy love?  Not so much.  Last up, the reigning king of hand drawn animation loosely adapts the Little Mermaid in Ponyo.  Most everyone agreed that it was amazing, even if some criticized its childlike perspective on serious issues, so we’ll go out on a high note.
20090507-ponyo_poster_00“You watch a Miyazaki film with the pie-eyed, gape-mouthed awe of a child being read the most fantastic story and suddenly transported to places previously beyond the limits of imagination. It’s quite a trip.” Philadelphia Inquirer Carrie Rickey

PDJ hopes to enjoy one of the last trips of summer.

PDJ hopes you enjoy the fall

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A Late Summer Picnic

by on August 7, 2009 at 12:11 am
Posted In: humor, movie reviews, updates

We’re currently experiencing the slaps of August heat, and while the season of summer punches through September, I still live on the schedule of a student/teacher.  My school year begins at the end of the month, which means I see Summer’s window of opportunity closing. Luckily for those of you who told yourselves “I should see more movies this summer,” this is a weekend that services many tastes.  Also, for those of you who’ve said to yourselves “Self, you’ve been seeing movies all summer and you’re tired of being disappointed or ‘meh’ed (pronounced like you’re imitating a sheep)” this weekend features five generally favorable movies.  Each release caters to a different crowd and you’ll be impressed by the spread.  Tomorrow brings that big summer picnic that lasts from lunch through dinner, where family and friends eat and talk under trees while kids play in the fading light of day.  Of course, movies aren’t really like picnics.  They can’t be as inclusive, loving, or cheap.  However, movies can offer an escape from both tedium and heat.

GI Joe movie poster

And, if you’re looking for summer escapism, you’re probably looking for G.I. Joe (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  The film has had yo-yo hype, bouncing from speculations of disaster to sequel planning and it was capped off by the studio’s decision to not show the film to critics.  Since the numbers may lie, we’ll let the words do the talking.

“Coming on the heels of such DOA fare as X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Terminator Salvation, this gung ho popcorn flick feels positively visceral.” Tom Huddleston Time Out New York

Since ‘visceral’ is defined as pertaining to or affecting the viscera (ie. abdominal organs/bowels), that positive review could be saying “GI Joe is like a punch to the kidneys” or “Instead of ‘Yo Joe!’ you’ll be screaming “Yo, where’s the john?”

“Not what anyone would call playful, this film’s passion for weaponry and covert ops springs from a disturbingly sadistic and joyless place — all it lacks is waterboarding.” Tim Robey Daily Telegraph

Again, the words sound negative, but to Michael Bay fans, military fetishism without the guilt-inducing torture = awesome.

This shirt = awesome

This shirt = awesome

“Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though.” Empire Dan Jolin

Could he be saying that GI Joe offers the style of Team America with the bellylaughs of Bond?

“If I was 10 years old, GI Joe would be one of the best movies I had ever seen. As a grown up it’s one of the better summer movies; a delightfully light, fun and action-packed kick in the ass.” Devin Faraci CHUD

But if you’re not in the mood to have your ass kicked by 4 inch tall toys, you may be in the mood for a movie that strives to be visceral.

Fingerlicking New Julie Julia Poster

In the cooking dramedy Julie & Julia (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic), Julie Child’s (Meryl Streep) Joy Of Cooking inspires a housewife (Amy Adams) to cook and then blog about it.

“You know the feeling you get when you make a meal of two mildly savory appetizers that don’t quite go together, and you leave you wishing you’d eaten one hefty entrée? That’s Julie & Julia. Half an hour later, I wanted to watch another movie.” Charlotte Observer Lawrence Toppman

It’s the cinema equivalent of Tapas?

“It was the best of movies. It was the worst of movies. Which is to say: There’s half of a great movie in Julie & Julia.” Village Voice Robert Wilonsky

It’s the cinema equivalent of A Tale Of Two Cities?

“The single best reason to see the film is Streep and Tucci together, turning their Devil Wears Prada rivalry into a funny, deeply romantic marriage, full of quips and sex and lots of amazing food.” Katey Rich CinemaBlend.com

It’s the cinema equivalent of another piece of cinema?  Rather than try to sort this out, let’s move on to the two indie movies that come out this week Cold Souls (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) and Paper Heart (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

cold_souls_poster

The premise of Cold Souls sounds like a spiritual successor to Being John Malkovich.  It features technology that can transplant souls and Paul Giamatti playing himself.  If the movie is more bizzare than the poster, it might blow your mind right out of your head.

“Darkly funny, twisty-cool existential tragicomedy, loaded with smart notions and filmed like a surrealist dream.” Entertainment Weekly Lisa Schwarzbaum

“This is a comedy, not a philosophy lesson, and thus richer in bafflement than in understanding.” Anthony Lane New Yorker

paper_heartPaper Heart is half documentary – half not, starring Michael Sera and Charlyne Yi (the odd duck Asian girlfriend from Knocked Up).  The movie marks Sera’s movement into an Indie phase.  He took his first step with Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist and stumbled away from mainstream with the embarrassing Year One.  He’s on the verge of the criticism that comes from always playing a variation of the same character (ie. George Michael); does he dodge that concern here?

“Cera once again does his “Michael Cera thing.” Personally, I love his “thing” but know it’s not for everyone, and I agree that it doesn’t always work contextually. But trust me, here it really works.” Film Threat Jessica Baxter

For his sake, I hope his ‘thing’ keeping working.

“This isn’t a movie. It’s a MySpace page.” The Onion (A.V. Club) Keith Phipps

I fear I need to see the movie to truly understand that criticism.

“Miraculously effective if kooky cross-country dissertations on the anatomy of love, including Vegas matrimony; biker bar romance deconstructed as ‘thirty minutes in the back seat,’ and unrequited animal attraction at a local zoo.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

Speaking of travel movies, the final offering of this weekend’s buffet is the tropical thriller A Perfect Getaway (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

perfect-getaway-poster

“The plot will require some discussion after the film is over. Is it misleading? Yes. Does it cheat? I think not. It only seems to cheat. That’s part of the effect. All’s fair in love and war, and the plots of thrillers.” Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert

Wait, there is debate on whether the movie cheats?  How does that work?

“Prides itself on a clever twist and a few great red herrings. You know how I know? Because it actually tells us. Literally. As in, in the dialogue.” Brian Juergens CampBlood.org

The movie actually says: “This is a red herring?”  So, after I know that “This is the killer,” does the movie switch to standard hack/slash horror?

“After a promising premise, it soon disintegrates into a preposterous predator/prey tale filled with brutality, bloodshed and butchery.” Susan Granger SSG Syndicate

And other B-words that mean scary things like: barbarity, bloodthirstiness, and bat shit crazy?  Well, this is the end of this roundup, so whats the final word on this little homicidal ditty?

“Even if you know what’s coming, it’s a neat bit of meta-thriller filmmaking, as much about the mechanics of storytelling as a reasonably satisfying example of it.” Scott Tobias AV Club

PDJ is a meta-thrill seeker

PDJ is a meta-thrill seeker

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