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If Asgard is overrun by a transient beaver population and the Gods switch from fists to firearms, shotguns would produce the most appropriate sound effect for the God of thunder, aka. Thor (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Humor is the most powerful weapon deployed by director Kenneth Branagh in Thor, his rollicking take on the comic.” Arizona Republic Bill Goodykoontz

Thor: the God of Giggles?

“Hemsworth, an Aussie actor with a vocal command to match his heaving brawn, doesn’t just play the role, he owns it. I’m expecting both sexes will feel his impact.” Rolling Stone Peter Travers

“Women want to be with him and men want to be him,” used to define James Bond, but the description works just as well for charming deities.

“An epic adventure of the classical sense, blending Norse mythology with human drama, romance, and a splash of hammer time!” Mark Sells The Reel Deal

“All told, though, Thor suffers from “Iron Man 2” syndrome: too much backstory, too many subplots and character introductions, and not nearly enough full-frontal nudity from Natalie Portman, who frankly is given very little to work with here.” Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

If he wants the full Natalie, isn’t he asking her to work with less?

“All that director Kenneth Branagh must do with Thor is not mess it up, and he succeeds. But that isn’t enough. The results aren’t as exhilarating as the first “Iron Man,” but Downey can’t play every superhero.”  St. Petersburg Times Steve Persall

I can’t picture him as Wonder Woman.  However, speaking of powerful women, there are three Rom-Dom-Coms (Romantic Domestic Comedies) this week that range from a coin flip (roughly 50% positive reviews) to much worse (shit).  You can choose from Something Borrowed (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic) for a wedding, a reception with families Jumping The Broom (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic), or young couples wondering about Last Night (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).  Considering the star of the next film and the vulgar seque opportunity presented by the title, lets just skip ahead to a story about The Beaver (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Let us begin by saying The Beaver is good enough to let you forget everything you think you know about Mel Gibson for 90 minutes.” Liz Braun Jam! Movies

It’s a ninety minute distraction from the star of the movie?

“Jodie Foster’s drama The Beaver, starring Mel Gibson as a depressed man who communicates via a hand puppet, is many things: admirably sincere, occasionally poignant, often trite and perversely wrong-headed.” Jason Anderson eye WEEKLY

It would be wrong-headed to have the puppet speaking for Mel.

“Is Gibson showing us the character or himself or some combination of the two? You decide. But whoever that is onscreen, it’s the saddest man in the world.” Mick LaSalle San Francisco Chronicle

“I don’t know whether Gibson is Method-acting out of his own psychology or is just a brilliant mimic, but it’s tough to resist the conclusion that this guy knows what it’s like to look in the mirror and not quite recognize the person he sees there.” Andrew O’Hehir Salon.com

I love meta-level film where the actor’s presence adds an additional layer of meaning for the story.  It’s like watching The Naked Gun and laughing at the bumbling cop played by OJ Simpson.

“There may be a lot of talk about this being the return of “actor Mel,” but The Beaver is also the return of director Foster.” Peter Paras E! Online

Vigilante Hauer stars in our final film, the bluntly titled Hobo With A Shotgun (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The closest thing the film gets to a message? “When life gives you razor blades, you make a baseball bat covered in razor blades.” Sounds like a quote for a Successories poster in hell.” Scott Tobias NPR

Why would the Devil arm Hell’s citizens with spiked bats and motivational posters?

“A non-stop, over-the-top, intentionally ridiculous smorgasbord of violence and bloodshed that ceases being disturbing and just becomes pure, 100% fun.” Dustin Putman DustinPutman.com

Past disturbing is pure fun?  That sounds like a recruitment poster for hell.

“Hobo With a Shotgun pushes every button it can find, then pounds them into the panel, then smashes the panel with a wrecking ball.” Rob Vaux Mania.com

“The brilliance begins and ends with its title..feels less like a movie than a joke about a movie, to which you need to buy a ticket to see the punchline. It’s not worth it.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

If the movie succeeds on title alone, I look forward to Hobo With A Sequel.

“The movie’s all garish colour and spurting squibs, with the occasional burst of T&A titillation. As Mel Brooks once said, it rises below vulgarity.” Norman Wilner Now Playing Magazine